2014 Wrap Up

Well, it's that time of the year where everyone begins to look back on their year, what they accomplished (or didn't), and what they hope to achieve the following year.  I wouldn't want to throw off everyone else's groove by not doing the same myself :), so here's a look back on how I did on my 2014 goals.  I wrote these out with the intention of having my readers hold me accountable, so here goes some brutal honesty with myself....


You can read the original list here.

• Enhance my photography knowledge.
• Well....let's just start this off with a bang and go ahead and admit that I failed miserably in this area - ha!  I probably haven't gotten my camera out more than 5 times all year since we got back from Haiti in April.  Not proud of this fact, I've just has a gazillion other things going on that weren't quite photo-worthy...like doctor's appointments, working 3 jobs, etc.  Here's to hoping next year will be a little better in this area!

• Improve my overall fitness level.
• Well, I certainly didn't lose 50 pounds like I had hoped, but that's ok.  When I wrote that original blog post, I had no idea that my incision would open 3 times, or that life would take me on a roller coaster this year.  I can say though, that since starting my new job here at Duke, that I've signed up for a gym membership and am starting to swim again with mom!  I also signed up for Weight Watchers this week, and my Doctor is on board to do what she can to help me lose weight.  I'm just beginning, but I finally feel like I've got a good support system and plan in place to make this a reality.  This goal is top of my list this year, so here's to hoping 2015 will see a 50lb lighter me!

• Improve my quiet time.
• This goal I was actually successful with -woohoo!  I'd say I still have more room for improvement, but I got better about making my devotion time a priority, tithing regularly, and found a devotion app I really liked too.  I started reading the Bible chronologically last month too.  It puts the stories I've heard so many times into a timeline which I've really enjoyed.  It's a year-long read through the Bible chronologically, so it will take me into 2015, but that's ok with me!

• Decrease time on social media.
• I'd say overall, I've been pretty successful with this goal too.  Between work and things we've had going on at church, I haven't had a ton of time to be on social media, but I have found myself recently not gravitating towards my phone as easily.  This goal is still on my list for 2015, because lets be real we could all still improve in this area, but I can definitely tell a difference from where I was in February, sitting and surfing the web mindlessly, to where I am now - which is checking FB only once or twice a day.

• Pursue dream of becoming a wedding planner. 
• This goal completely flopped. Once I began pursuing it, I realized that wedding planning is something that I'd rather do on the side for friends right now than make it a career.  I did find a career this year though - so here's an AMEN to that!

• Become a better reader.
• This is the one goal that I surpassed even what I thought I was capable of!  I not only read 2 books, I read almost 6 this year!!!!!!  Whoop, whoop!  Again, I know you readers out there think I'm crazy, but for someone who hated reading just a year ago, this is HUGE!  I'm finally becoming a reader and have even found a favorite author.  I still hate the library (thanks E for getting books for me!), but I'm reading so that's something! Beggars can't be choosers after afterall! Here is a little review of the books I read:
• "House Rules" by Jodi Picoult: Probably my favorite read this year.  Jodi Picoult did a great job exploring the world of children with Aspergers while creating a suspenseful story that kept me on the edge of my seat until the last page.
• "Vanishing Acts" by Jodi Picoult:  This one was good too with lots of twists I didn't see coming.
• "Perfect Match" by Jodi Picoult: Gut wrenching read about the sexual assault of a young boy and the journey of bringing his rapist to justice, but man the book was so good!
• "Nineteen Minutes" by Jodi Picoult: I'm still reading this book about the story of a school shooting and so far Jodi Picoult has impressed as always.  I'm sure there is some big twist coming before the ending, but I haven't gotten there yet.
• "The Last Song" by Nicholas Sparks: I liked this book, and parts even made me cry, but I found it to be a typical Nicholas Spark's story.  That's not necessarily a bad thing, but I enjoy the suspense of not knowing what's coming in Jodi Picoult's books versus the expected outcomes of his books.  
• "Beachcombers" by Nancy Thayer: I couldn't get into this one. I tried but when I still wasn't hooked after chapter 5, I put it down and never went back to it.

• Become more responsible and aware with my financial planning.
• This is another area that I surpassed my goals in.  I not only have a great budgeting system in place now, but I even ENJOY doing my budget each month.  I finally get to be stress free over money and can look forward to the next pay check because I am in control now, not the bills!  I've gotten an emergency fund in place this year, almost completely paid off one of my small loans, reimbursed funds that I'd borrowed, bought a new car, organized my ministry finances, and am set up to hopefully pay off two complete school loans in 2015!!!!!  I can't even tell you how good it feels to be in such a place of peace and control when it comes to finances.  If you're struggling with money and haven't tried the Dave Ramsey system yet - go do it NOW!  It works people.  It's not easy, it takes work, dedication, and patience, but it WORKS and it even becomes fun when you get the hang of it!

• Blog more.
• I didn't blog nearly as much as I'd hoped this year, but I've been doing pretty good these last couple of weeks, so maybe that counts?  I'm sure all of you readers are rolling your eyes right now :).  I'll get better, just stick with me!

Stay tuned for my 2015 goals.  Here's to hoping that 2015 will be a little less crazy, and a lot more successful in the goals department!

Meet Helga

For those of you who have not met Helga… please allow me to introduce you.

Oh yeah, she's a beauty!! (please sense my sarcasm here)

This little bundle of joy was lovingly named while I was in college.  My roommate Jodi had a gorgeous BMW named Heidi (after Heidi Klum - the supermodel), and we decided it was time to give my piece of junk gold a name.  Since she is oh so temperamental, and lets be honest -- the furthest thing from a supermodel, she lovingly became known as Helga.  A little ugly, with a mind of her own, but my mode of transportation nonetheless.

Over the last few years the list of Helga's quirks has grown, and grown!  Things like:  accelerating on her own, missing hub cap, interior dash peeling up, a gear shift button that likes to fall out and disappear, crazy idle issues, and so on and so forth.

Honestly, I never know what surprise she will reveal next, but she's still kicking!!

Today that surprise was completely worn down, on the verge of blowing, tires.  If I'm being honest this wasn't a complete surprise, but I certainly did not expect the level of destruction taking place. Oops!

After searching for tires all afternoon, she is now sporting a brand new set of shiny black tires! All is good in her world…for now!  She is riding like a gem though, so hey she's not a complete loser :-)

The point here is that while Helga can be quite the piece of work sometimes, she certainly has been reliable. Here's to hoping she keeps kicking for another year or two. And hey!  Now with new tires, she better be riding smooth for a while!

Let Go & Let God: Update on Haiti & Recovery

This blog post is overdue, and that's because I have been putting it off.  I've told this story to so many people lately, explained my thoughts/circumstances, and received so many thoughts to consider over the last few weeks, that I feel like a broken record that just can't seem to get back on course.

I'm lost, unsure, and a little discouraged over it all, but I'm leaving it at God's feet and trusting He will show me that right path when the time comes.  I ask that after reading this post, that you would lift up a prayer for me as I seek God's will on what to do.  I'm at the point now where I just have to "Let go & Let God" - a quote on a gift from a dear friend and mentor.

As many (if not all) of you know, the recovery process since my surgery has been more complicated than originally anticipated. This has left me with some big decisions to make regarding where to go next on this journey.

Option A:  I return to Haiti as soon as I'm able (it is still unknown when that will be an option) and finish out my commitment through October.  This would mean putting long term PT care on hold, potential risk of further injury, and limited access to medical care if something were to happen; BUT it would allow me to follow through with my commitment and dream of living and working in Haiti on the mission field, which so many people have donated to help me do.

Option B: I stay here in the USA, continue PT for best results, have easy access to my doctors and medical care, and begin focusing on short-term/local missions for a while.  If I go this route, I would also begin exploring career options & dreams of mine.  However, this option would mean breaking my commitment to living in Haiti for the year, and giving up (at least for a while) the dream of being a missionary overseas.

Neither option is perfect, and neither option is a no-brainer for me.  There are days where either one seems like the best course and then the next morning I'm on the fence again.  Do I make my commitment to Haiti or my long-term health the priority right now?  Either way I choose I can be successful in different regards, and either way I know God will use me, but I'm still unsure of which one is best.  As I said, I'm desperately in need of your prayers right now.

This is not a decision I take lightly. So many of you have given to help me following this calling, and I want to honor everyone's support and financial gifts to the best of my ability.   For now, I'm focusing on getting my incision to heal, gaining strength, and our upcoming short trip to Haiti in April.  Please continue to keep me in your prayers.

Thank you all SO very much for all of your love, support, and advice throughout this journey.   Hopefully I will have an update with a decision for you all soon.  Until then, please just keep me in your prayers.

On a really random and more upbeat note:

I REALLY miss these girls!! I think a reunion needs to be in our very near future =).

Too Random for a Good Title

Hey everyone, sorry it's been so silent around here recently.  I feel like I have been running around non-stop ever since I got home and when I finally had the chance to sit down and blog, my computer decided to break on me...yep gotta love that!

I don't even really know where to begin this post, other than trying to recap the last couple of weeks.

My first two weeks at home were filled with visiting family, celebrating Christmas, catching up with friends, lots of cuddling with my sweet puppy, and planning/shopping for my return to Haiti.  Those first couple of weeks were honestly a blur and felt like they passed in the blink of an eye.

Once the New Year hit, things slowed down a bit but quickly caught right back up with the fast pace of things here in America.  I traveled up to Virginia to celebrate a dear friend's wedding (see below), which was such a blessing for both of us!  I have missed hanging out with those girls so much and it really put back into perspective just how perfectly God has crafted every aspect of my life.

I have missed Haiti more than I anticipated, but I have also longed to stay home more than I thought I would too.  It seems like home and Haiti are always playing a tug of war game in my life.  My heart wants to have both of them all the time, but that unfortunately doesn't quite happen.

I did end up extending my stay at home for a couple of weeks, however it was not done for a reason I would have chosen.  You see, a couple of days before I left Haiti, I pulled a muscle in my lower back which made my sciatica flare up for the first time in a while.  I've had a bulging disk in my lower back since college but it has remained fairly dormant with only a few painful days here and there.  That day however, I had a bad feeling I had just made it way worse.  After coming home and not getting any relief from the pain, I started to see a chiropractor and we began throwing around the idea of getting another MRI done.  I didn't want to accept that I may have seriously injured the disc, so I kept putting it off.  However, when I almost passed out from the pain during the wedding I decided it was time to get things checked out.  Mom and I decided it was best to postpone my trip to Haiti so we could figure out if there was indeed something serious going on in my back (it also helped save a ton of money on flights if I had gone back).

Well, after getting the results of my MRI back this week, it was determined that I have a herniated disk and am now being referred to a neurosurgeon... not the news I was hoping to get.  My doctor is pretty sure it will require surgery, but that is to be confirmed next week when we meet with the surgeon.  Surgery would mean relief from the pain (which would be awesome), but it also would mean that my stay at home will have to be extended further.

I never imagined this would be happening right now, but I know the Lord has a plan.  I'm praying he will show me which route to take to find healing as well as get back to Haiti.  Please continue to keep me in your prayers.  I feel like that flag in the middle of a tug of war game being pulled two different directions both physically and emotionally.  Trying to process of all this, let alone explain it to my supporters has been very difficult for me.  I will return to Haiti, and I will finish out my year there, but I've had to put things on hold for a little bit.  This saddens me deeply, but I'm learning more and more each day that my health must take priority right now.

Please continue to keep me in your prayers as I try to figure all of this out.

More posts (some a little behind schedule) will come as soon as my computer gets out of the shop!

Heartbreak and a Call to Prayer

The hospital where this sweet woman is being treated.

 

What did you do the last two days?

For me, Wednesday and Thursday were like none other.  I started Wednesday off like any normal day.  I was up around 7am, fixed breakfast, Jeremiah came to look at installing the inverter, Esther came by to clean the house for Emily, and things were just normal; running smoothly and enjoyable.  However, as I was fixing dinner that night, my world was rocked.  I got a call from my good friend Erin Fairbanks, who is now working at Dorothy's.  She had been at the hospital all day with Emmanuella, one of the kids at Dorothy's, who was getting her pre-op done for a feeding tube surgery next week.  While at the hospital, Erin was talking with a friend there who mentioned they had an abused woman in their care and they weren't sure where to send her, or who does that kind of ministry here in Port.  Naturally, Erin thought of us and gave me a call wondering if we could take this lady in.

Here is where it got hard.

Come to find out, an American man who brings teams down regularly always checks on this Haitian lady, takes her food, etc.  While in town this past week, he could not find her.  He began to ask around wondering if she had moved, past away, was sick, etc.  They eventually found her in a cemetery.  Bound with wire, gagged, and with severe injuries.  He immediately took her to the hospital for treatment. When I heard this my heart sank.

Who would do such a thing and why?  Why her?  Who did it?  Was it voodoo, her husband, family? How do we help her?  How do we turn her away?  Can we take her in?  Are we equipped for that yet? What is her state of mind even like?  What type of treatment would she need? How do we help her?!??

I spent all of Wednesday night in tears and on the computer emailing back and forth between Erin, Patricia, Emily, and me.  It broke all of our hearts.  We had to do something but what could we do?  We aren't equipped, trained, or prepared to take women like this in, but how do we turn her away??  There are so few places, if any, here in Haiti to send this woman.  My mind raced all night as I tried to figure out how we could help.

Then Thursday came around.  Erin texted and asked if I'd like to go with them to the hospital and meet this lady.  I said yes, and off we went.  I thought from the conversation we had the night before that I was prepared to see this woman, but boy was I wrong.  We sat and talked with the nurse first to get a better understanding of what happened and the severity of her injuries.

We were informed that they believe she was used in some sort of Voodoo ceremony.  They are unclear of how long she had been there, but from her injuries they concluded it had to have been for some time.  The nurse said her whole body was bound with wire.  Her fingers bound so tight that at the base they were cut to the bone, barely hanging on.  She had a huge open wound on her knee where you could see all the tendons and ligaments.  She said this wound was badly infected with screw worms, like nothing they'd seen before.  To the point that they had to call a vet to figure out how to get rid of them. She also has a hole in her ankle where they believe she has some other type of worm living because you can watch its air bubbles come to the surface (she will need surgery for this soon).  She was infested with maggots, everywhere.  In places you would never want maggots.  She was missing a few fingers, which could have been a previous injury or caused from the wire.  They believe she will lose her leg and need a prosthetic in the near future.  Her injuries are so severe that she will be spending a while in the hospital. The nurse also told us that when she was brought to the hospital and finally cleaned up, they took her to her room.  They said she bent down, smelled the sheets (noticing they were clean), smiled the biggest smile they've ever seen, and then laid down and fell right asleep.  The nurse said you could tell it was the first time she had felt safe in a long time.

I was not prepared. Not even close.

It took all I had to not burst into tears when I met this woman face to face.  I couldn't think of anything to say.  I asked how she was doing and told the nurse that we would figure out some way to help.  I wasn't sure what that would look like, but we WOULD help!

As we left, my heart broke in two. Who could do such a thing to this woman?  Why is this world so cruel? How on Earth are we going to help?

Needless to say, she needs your prayers and we need your prayers!!  This is not the first time we've been asked to take someone in.  There simply aren't enough ministries here serving these types of cases.  While our original plan was to not house women, as this question keeps arising we are becoming increasingly aware that this may just be the path God wants our ministry to go. Unfortunately, we are not equipped to take this sweet woman in, but we are beginning the process of looking into this as an option in the future.

Unfortunately, saying yes is not as easy as it sounds.  While our hearts scream ABSOLUTELY we'll take her, our minds are reminded of how big of a committment that is.  As soon as we take the first woman in, we will open our gates to a revolving door of these cases.  We will get knocks and calls all the time.  That then forces us to face and prepare for these questions:

-Who do we take in?
-Who do we turn away?
-How many women can we house?
-What services can we provide?
-What if they need medical care?  We don't have a nurse here, transportation to take them to the hospital, or the supplies to even do basic medical care here.
-How long do they stay?
-How do we keep track of their progress when they decide to leave?
-How will we afford to feed and provide medical care to these women?
-What training does our staff need to provide proper counseling and care?
-How do we turn someone away?
-What are the guidelines for the women we'll accept?
-How do we even decide what cases are "acceptable" here?
-How do we protect them in the long run?
-How do we keep ourselves and this ministry safe once we start this program?
-How do we say no?

And the list can go on, and on, and on!

These questions have been racing through our minds the last two days as we explore this new path for the ministry.

Please keep us in your prayers.  Pray that God would provide the wisdom, knowledge, resources, and provision if this is His will.  If it's not His will, please pray that he would close the door.  Pray that we would have the courage to take this step and explore this area of ministry.  Pray for our hearts and our minds, as nothing can put into words the things we've seen the last two days.  Please pray for us as we try to discern God's will.  If this is the path we are to take, please pray that we will figure out how to put it into action.

I was not prepared.  I'm not prepared.  But God doesn't call the equipped.  

Please pray for this sweet woman.  We don't even know her name because she speaks so softly that no one can understand.  She goes by about four different names at the hospital, but we hope as she continues to gain her voice and confidence that we will come to know her name soon.  In the mean time,  please pray for her.  Pray for her health, quick and complete healing, for her emotional state, that this would not crush her spirit, and that some how some good will come from this. She needs our prayers.

Please pray. For her. For us.  For the women we will soon be serving.

Ps.  Sorry there is no picture of this sweet lady.  I couldn't bring myself to ask for a picture when I saw her yesterday.

Not always picture worthy

Excuse my appearance in this one, it was a little bit hot :)

 

I've learned over the last few weeks that one of the biggest things I struggle with is not doing "picture worthy" ministry.  I've always loved seeing pictures of what missionaries are doing; seeing the heart wrenching pictures of kids, or the joyous baptisms.  In my mind I guess I thought that's what I'd be sharing with everyone regularly.  What you don't see in those pictures however is all of the behind the scenes not so "picture worthy" things that take place.  That is where I'm at in ministry right now.  I have not had the chance to feed a starving baby, help an elderly man or woman to the hospital, give out life saving care, or anything else so dramatic.  My ministry right now is developing budgets, typing up procedure manuals, making signs for the house, cleaning the kitchen and bathrooms, providing water to the KOFAEL women, etc.  Some days I struggle with not being able to share incredible pictures and stories with you all, but for now this is where God has me. 

You see, all of these things are critical to the success of this ministry.  Without a budget, procedure manual, or plans on how to do ministry, HFMS would never actually get off the ground.  I've had to remind myself many times over the last couple of weeks, that while I may not be saving lives right now, the work I'm doing will eventually lead to making a big impact on lives one day.  So for now, I'll pour another glass of ice water, serve another pack of crackers, clean the bathroom, type up documents, and keep the house running smoothly until God places bigger ministry opportunities in my path. 

"His lord said to him, 'Well done, good and faithful servant; you have been faithful over a few things, I will make you ruler over many things.  Enter into the joy of your lord."  Matthew 25:21

"If you are faithful in little things, you will be faithful in large ones.  But if you are dishonest in little things, you won't be honest with greater responsibilities."  Luke 16:10

Here's to being faithful in the little things!

Almost three weeks in..

 The view from our balcony last night.

I've been asked a lot recently how I'm really doing.  Since I'm about to hit the three week mark, I thought I'd try to answer that question for you.

How am I really doing..? 

Well, I'd say that varies on a day to day basis.  Some days I really enjoy living here.  Some days every thing goes right, ministry is good, and I feel like I'm getting things accomplished.  There are also days where I'm ready to pack up and leave.  Days where anything that can go wrong seems to go wrong, and I just can't find my way out from under the pile.  Those days are hard and filled with emotions.   And then there are days in between, where I don't necessarily love it here, but I'm not eager to go home either.   I'd say most of my days are spent somewhere in the middle.  It's been a balancing act of emotions. 

I'm also finding that I can't trust my emotions as easily as I do while at home.  There are times where even the silliest of things can bring me to tears; like rain.  I've never been much of a crier but I'm pretty sure I've cried more here over the last three weeks than I have in years.  They haven't all been sad tears; some are from overwhelming joy, like getting a call from a friend or an encouraging email. Nonetheless, I have cried more than I expected, and usually about things I never expected to cry over :).

I'm coming to accept that some things are just part of life here in Haiti, and there is very little you can do about it.  Some of these things include:  mosquitoes, itchy legs/feet/arms because of mosquito bites, limited power, water issues, and more.  I am learning to live with these new realities.  I have found myself much more aware and grateful for life's blessings here.  We take so much for granted at home.  I don't want to ever lose this mindset of gratitude.

There are a couple of things that would make life a little easier, such as a car, inverter, and a washing machine. Top of my list right now is getting an inverter.  We haven't had city power for two days and without a backup power source, it is very hard to keep groceries fresh.  Warm refrigerators just don't quite do the job effectively :).  No power also equals no water.  We have to pump our water from the cistern to a tank on the roof, but unfortunately the pump requires power.  Thus no power = no water.  I don't say this to complain, just to explain how important power is here.  Please join me in praying for the funding of an inverter, and that we could get one installed soon.

Some other specific ways you can pray for me:

Pray for good health.  I have been fighting a cold the last couple of days, and while I think it's finally turning a corner, prayers are much appreciated!  My energy has been very low the last couple of days so I really appreciate your prayers!

Pray for my emotional well-being.  As I mentioned, my emotions can be so hard to trust here.  A couple of things have made that even harder.  Please pray for my strength, patience, and ability to love as Christ loves.  Please also pray for my ability to work with those God has placed in my life.  One of the hardest parts of being on the mission field is learning to work with those you wouldn't normally choose to work with.  I'm learning continually that patience with others and their work methods is a must for a successful ministry.  This can be easier said than done sometimes.

Pray for God's financial provision. God has truly blessed my ministry financially over the last few months.  Right now I've got enough funding to cover the next 6 months.  That said, there are some unforeseen expenses that have arisen, like the inverter.   Please pray that God would continue to provide the finances needed to cover my time here in Haiti.  If you would like to donate to my ministry, simply click the "how to give" button above.  Thank you so much to everyone who has already donated to support my time here.  Your generosity has been such a blessing and encouragement to me!

Pray for wisdom and discernment. My days and weeks have been filled with searching for wisdom and the discernment needed to help this ministry.  Please pray that God would continue to show me what it is he'd have me do here and how to carry out that calling.

Pray for my new relationships here. Over the last three weeks, I have met a lot of people and made some good friends.  As I mentioned though, it can be hard at times working with so many new people.  Please pray for my patience in those instances.  Please also pray for Emily, Julienne, and me as we will all be living under the same roof in a few days.  Pray that we would get along, that we would be gracious to forgive each others faults, and that we would find a balance of life and friendship in the house.

Thank you again for all of your prayers.  I really do feel the power of them every single day. Also, thank you to everyone who has sent encouraging notes, emails, and calls.  Those connections with home bring such joy to me!

Not Me Monday

I did not fall down the steps outside of our house the other day.  There's no way I'd be that clumsy.  And there's absolutely no way that I fell in front of the four Haitians working at the house that day.  I always make silly mistakes like that in private, never in front of an audience! And there's no way I fell on my butt so hard that Esther had to call at 9pm to make sure I was ok.  I always fall gracefully and end up on my feet. Ahem.

I also did not do my laundry at the Hambrick's the other day only to get home and realize I never put laundry detergent in with the wash. I definitely decided to wash the load again. I would never smell it and decide they were clean enough to hang my clothes back up.  That's just gross. Only teenage boys do that.

I also did not shed a few tears when it rained the other night.  I would never get so excited over a little thing called rain.

Ahem.  Nope not me.  Never!

Mind Fog

As I sit awake tonight, my mind seems to be endlessly wandering again.  It's 4am and I cannot seem to fall asleep.  I thought maybe writing a blog post would help, but the right words just aren't coming to mind.  My thoughts have been all over the place tonight, but one verse keeps sticking out in my memory.

"Be strong and courageous.  Do not be afraid nor dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go."  Joshua 1:9

I read that passage in my bible study the other night, and it has glued itself to my memory ever since.  I can study some verses for days and still not be able to recite it back word for word.  This one however, I read once and it stuck.  I'm guessing that's because it was what I needed, and still need, to hear.

Be strong & courageous.
Do not be afraid.
God is with you wherever you go.

Three statements that have been my strength this week.   I don't really know how to verbalize my emotional state or train of thought over everything, but this verse seems to sum it up, or at least put my mind at rest.

Hopefully it will bring you some encouragement today as well.

Now off to bed for me.

This Just Got Real

Nine days guys.  NINE! I am moving to Haiti in nine days....

Say what?!

Let me wrap my head around that for a minute...

Ok, 9 days. I can do this! I should probably start packing though shouldn't I?  

NINE?!?!!! 

I honestly think I'm still partially in denial that this is happening. My bank account, the room with all my stuff, and my to do list say otherwise, but my brain hasn't quite caught on yet. It feels like I still have weeks left but it's more like a week and a couple of days. yikes!

The past few weeks have been jam packed around here. You've probably noticed a few changes around the blog, right? There are more coming, but please look around and explore!! All the information you'll need on the ministry I'm working with is located up top. Everything you need to know is in one easy to find location now thanks to the incredible designer I hired! Hope you like the new look, I sure do!

Anyways...back to the past few weeks. I have spent the last month or so shopping, picking up donations, crossing off items on the to do list, speaking at churches, and trying to finalize fundraising. It has been crazy, but kind of relaxing too. You all know I love working through details, so this part of the journey has been kind of therapeutic. I just really need to start packing...anyone want to help??

 My only attempts at packing thus far...I have to say these space bags are pretty impressive!  That's a full size quilt, three sets of sheets, two pillows, and three rugs compressed to less than 2 feet tall. 

I had the honor of speaking with two churches so far, and will be speaking at Grey Stone this coming Sunday. What a blessing that has been! For those of you that know me well, you know I hate public speaking. My knees start shaking, my nervous stomach kicks in, my mouth gets dry...yeah not so fun! I've pushed through though, dry mouth and all, and have been beyond blessed both times!! I spoke at Temple Baptist Church in Fayetteville first, and the congregation donated $816 towards my ministry. Through speaking at Temple, I was also put in contact with another donor organization that will donate close to $1,000! What a HUGE blessing that was! Last Sunday, I spoke at Concord Baptist Church in Granite Falls. They as a church gave $750 and individual donations totaled over $600, bringing the total donation that day to almost $1500!! I can't even put into words what a blessing those two churches have been to me. The encouragement from the members, the love, donations...it meant the world to me!! We are also good friends with the pastors at both churches, so it was so nice getting to see old friends and have their support and encouragement as well! Thank you again to both of those churches for having me! Between the two churches, they donated enough to support almost two full months of my time in Haiti. Seriously, what a Blessing!!!!

 Speaking at Temple Baptist Church

 Got to love on this sweet little boy after service.

 

Speaking at Concord Baptist Church.

 

Other than that, life has been pretty normally. I'm trying to take in every second of this gorgeous fall weather, enjoy my favorite American treats, and get in as much time with family and friends as possible while I can.

Overall I am feeling pretty good about this move. There are days where my emotions get the best of me, but I'm finding comfort and peace through Christ. Nights are probably the hardest time for me, as the quiet lets my mind wander aimlessly. If I'm not careful, my worries and what ifs get the best of me, but I've found opening God's word and reading scripture helps me through those harder times. I don't know the specifics of what this journey ahead will hold, but I know it's going to be an amazing year! I'm trusting in God for my strength, patience, wisdom, and courage for this new chapter. He has gone before me, will be there with me, and will go after me. He will sustain me.

Thank you again for all of your support, encouraging words, and most importantly your prayers! I covet your prayers.

 

A sweet gift of encouragement from one of my dear friends.  It meant the world to me!

 

Some specific prayer requests right now:

• My peace of mind before, during, and after my time in Haiti.
• For an easy transition into this new life/culture/climate/etc.
• For safe & timely travels to Haiti.  That all of our luggage would arrive safely and on time.
• For my parents as they experience this first week in Haiti with me, and as they adjust to life with me living Haiti.  Pray for their strength, patience, emotional well-being, and guidance through this year.
• For my fundraising.  I still need to raise around $10,000 for the year.  I know God will provide!
• For the ministry I'll be working with.  Pray that God would guide us on how to minister to the women of Haiti, and the best methods in doing so.  Pray also for the fundraising of the ministry.  We have some big immediate financial needs (inverter, transportation, washing machine, etc) but don't currently have the funding to cover them.
• For calmed nerves and peace of mind as I speak at Grey Stone on Sunday.  Pray that God would give me the right words and that the congregation would be open to supporting my ministry in Haiti.  Pray for my emotional state, as it will most likely be a tear-filled testimony. 

This is really happening

This is all really happening...and happening very fast!

When I started this blog, I promised to be honest with my readers and myself.  That means you will be seeing all sides of this journey to Haiti: the good, the bad, the ugly, the beautiful, and everything in between.  This post is a little bit of it all!

I found out on Sunday that I will be moving to Haiti a little earlier than originally anticipated (more to come on that soon).  While I am excited and anxious to be down there, I have to be honest, this is scary!  I keep finding myself stopping and staring off in disbelief that I'm actually moving to Haiti.  Part of that realization has caused me to stop and enjoy the simple things in life.  Things like this beautiful fall weather, the comfort of my bed, the joy of pushing the AC down when I get hot, hopping in my car to run a quick errand or meet friends for lunch...all of those things will be coming to an end soon.  While I am cherishing each moment until then, part of me is really dreading leaving the comforts of home.  I keep finding myself on the verge of tears in those moments.  I try to keep it together, but to be honest it's hard at times.

I think more than anything, I am not looking forward to the transition period in Haiti.  I know there will be moments when I question everything, when the homesickness will seem unbareable, when adjusting to new normals isn't easy...I dread those hard times.  However I am also SO looking forward to all of the good times.  Things like knowing I am doing exactly what God has called me to do, serving the women at this ministry, getting to wrap my arms around the kids at Dorothy's again, and so much more.  Those are the times I am trying to focus on right now.

I know this journey is not going to be easy.  I know the transition may not come naturally.  I know there will be both good and bad times.  I also know that with God, all things are possible and that HE will help me through every aspect of this journey.  This is what I keep reminding myself of.  God's strength is more powerful than all of ours combined, and that is what I am relying on today.  As I work through the details of moving dates, packing, fundraising, etc, I am leaning on Christ. HIS grace is sufficient.

I cherish your continued prayers over me and this journey.

Trusting YOU God!

So many questions....so few answers.

My mind has been racing endlessly over the last couple of days.  My mind, wanting the details and answers now, has been fighting with my heart, that knows I must wait.  The questions seem to multiply every day, leading to sleepless nights and unproductive days.

I've been in prayer over all of this every step of the way, and even though I know God is going to make the path clear, I find myself completely unsure of which path to follow.

I covet your prayers as I take this journey.  Please pray for my patience, ability to discern God's will, and courage to walk where He leads.  Please pray that God would make HIS path clear and provide me with the resources, finances, and skills needed to follow through.

I've got two mission opportunities I feel led to follow right now.

One option is what I thought I'd be doing.  It sounds fun, challenging, exciting, right up my alley, and the path I want to take.  It will be hard, and I don't know that I am quite equipped for the job yet, but I know with His help I could do it and bring Glory to His name.

The other...well it is not at all the path I thought I'd be taking.  It's one I have fought every step of the way.  One I feel completely inadequate to fulfill, and one that requires more commitment than I even know if I can make.  It's one that would require more sacrifice than I imagined.  It is an option I know I could do, and would probably be good at once trained, but I just it's a lot to take on!  However, I know God would be glorified through it, and there must be a reason He keeps laying it on my heart.

I can't get either option off of my mind.  Each consumes my thoughts in more ways than one every. single. day.  I find myself at peace over one, one minute, and the next anything but.  I have no clue which path I am supposed to take.

Are they supposed to overlap somehow?

Do I do one now, and the other later?

Do I help with both in a way I haven't even thought of yet?

I simply don't know, but I am covering it all in prayer, waiting for God to reveal His plan.

I just need a HUGE dose of patience until that happens.

My Journey to Haiti: Part Three

These last couple of months have been filled with the most eye-opening and amazing moments, all of which have been orchestrated by God!

Let me give you a little bit of background that I left out of part two.  Once I hit that moment of realizing that God wanted me in Haiti and I had to give him control and join the ride, fears/worries of different kinds started creeping in my mind.  You see, I graduated college last year in May, and I knew my loans would be entering into repayment VERY soon.  Most college graduates have 6 months after their graduation date before that repayment period begins.  Around the time all of this realization took place, I was about 3-4 months away from having to make large loan payments.  I went into the loans websites to get an idea of how much I would be looking at paying each month.  I have 3 loans, through 2 different organizations, and came to the understanding that I would be paying around $350/month starting December 2012.

Yikes!! That's all I could think.

At this point, I had no job, no prospect of a job, was contemplating moving to a fifth-world Country, and honestly had no clue how those payments were going to take place.  Honestly, I panicked.  I thought there was no way I could ask people to support me each month to live in Haiti AND ask them to send enough to make those payments.  I just didn't feel right asking people to do that, nor did I think there was any way people could do that.  I reached a point where I figured my only option would be to find a job, work for a year or so, and save up enough money to make those payments before I could move to Haiti.

To say I was bummed and feeling discouraged was an understatement.  The job search had yielded absolutely NOTHING, I didn't have a peace about working in design any longer, and truthfully felt like I had run into a brick wall that I couldn't find a way around.  I kept praying and asking God to show me a solution to this problem.  I know God is bigger than any financial hurdle, and I simply had to trust that he would take care of it.  Until then,  I had to keep looking for jobs and going about life.

During this whole ordeal, our team was preparing for our upcoming (my fourth) trip to Haiti (Dec. 2012).  We were raising the funds, gathering supplies, planning our week, and getting really excited for the upcoming adventure.  I prayed constantly that the Lord would use our team in ways we hadn't even thought of.  That He would go ahead of us and prepare the hearts of those we were going to see, as well as prepare us for the journey.  I prayed that He would use this trip to make my calling clearer, and give me a better understanding of his plans for me in Haiti.  I prayed every way possible over our trip.  I knew God had big plans and I was so anxious to see how they would all unfold.

About a month before our trip, I attended the Missions Committee meeting at Grey Stone.  I spoke with Randall that night, and he really pushed me to make the move, step out in faith, and wanted to know when I was going.  I jokingly laughed and brushed it off, knowing that I was still afraid and genuinely had no idea when or even if things would ever get to that point.  It wasn't until I was on the way home that it hit me...

God had taken care of my financial hurdle.

A week prior, I received a letter in the mail letting me know my first loan payment was due.  That payment was through CFNC, on one loan, and was a $50 payment.  When I went online to make the payment, I realized I hadn't heard anything from my other loan company.  I went on their website and realized that they had my loan listed as not going into repayment until 2015.

2015!!!!

I didn't realize it at first, but on the car ride home that night I broke into tears over the realization that God had just cleared the path.  He had given me a 2 year window where I could go to Haiti and not have to worry about paying the  $300/month.  This may seem so silly to some of you, but in that moment I felt more blessed than ever before.  I've heard of this kind of thing happening to people who are faithful with their giving, but I had never experienced anything this big before. 

So let me recap:
I have no full-time job holding me back.
I no longer have to worry about a $300/month payment.
I am single and don't have a family that needs me here.

There was no longer any reason that I couldn't go to Haiti.  Nothing at all was standing in my path.  I had to go!!  I had to; and this was the absolute perfect time!!

I loaded that plane with our team on December 28, 2012 knowing deep in my heart that this was not a trip where I was just visiting.  I was no longer going simply to love on the people of Haiti and visit old friends.  For the first time, I was going to make plans for a full-time move down there!  The best part, was that we were staying with Jim & Debbie Hambrick, who took me on my first trip to Haiti.  It was so fitting that the people who helped me fall in love with Haiti would be the ones who helped me move there full-time.

If you read my blog posts (1, 2, 3, 4, 5) after we got back, then you know how incredible the trip turned out to be.  God worked in my heart in ways I hadn't even imagined.  He opened up some doors, reaffirmed once again that Haiti would be my home very soon, and created some lasting friendships.  After talking with Jim, Debbie, and Donna that night, there was no longer any question or fear in my mind.  Even though some hard questions were asked, and I knew the journey would not be easy, I finally felt 1000% at peace about everything.  My heart was fully in love with Haiti, and I finally announced to my family and everyone else that I was moving to Haiti!!!!

Through this whole process I have come to realize just how amazing God is.  He orchestrated all of this from the time I was born, and will continue to work in my life until my time on earth is finished.  I have come to appreciate my relationship with the Lord so much more than ever before over the last few years.  Even though so many thoughts, decisions, and actions deemed me unworthy of this relationship, I am so grateful to serve the Lord who forgives ALL sins and loves us anyways.  I am so thankful that He never gave up on me and has loved me unconditionally through every stage of life. 

I've learned that no hurdle is too big for God.  If it's His will, He will see that it comes to pass.  I've learned to relinquish my fears, worries, and concerns and trust that God is bigger than anything I could ever come across. I've learned that God uses our weak moments in life to shine just how big his Glory is.

If he can use me: a 22 year old girl with a messed up past, then he can use you too!  I never in a million years would have guessed this is where my life would take me, but I am so glad this is where I'm going.  I know this story is still being written, and that it's still in its early chapters, but if God has done this much already, I can't wait to see how the rest unfolds!!

Please keep me in your prayers as I take each step in Faith.  Please keep this journey, wherever it may take me, in your prayers.

I say this a lot, but we genuinely serve an AMAZING God yall!!  If you are reading this and have never given your life to Christ, or are on the fence, take it from me:  jump in with all you've got!!  You will never, EVER, regret it!!  If you have questions, or would like to know how to give your life to Christ, please ask!! I would be honored to share that with you!

So here we go!  Part four is just beginning.  I can't wait to see what God is going to do!

My Journey to Haiti: Part Two

It was the summer of my Freshman year (2009), when I took my first trip to Haiti.  Looking back, I took that trip for all the wrong reasons.   I went because my boyfriend at the time was going, I thought it would be fun, my youth pastor convinced me to go, and I enjoyed the positive reaction I got from my family when they heard about the trip.   I went to Haiti thinking I would go for a week, enjoy another mission trip, and come home to live life like normal.

Boy was I wrong!

I may not have gone for the right reasons, my heart and motives may have been completely wrong, but let me tell you:  God used that trip to change my life forever.  He knew exactly what he was doing.  There was a reason he pushed my youth pastor to stay on me about going, and there was a reason He provided the funds for the trip.  His reason wasn't to satisfy my poor motives, it was to make His name, power, love, and Glory shine through me: a life that seemed unusable at the time.  God is pretty incredible like that!  Just look at how he turned Paul's life around!

While on that first trip to Haiti, I had a real slap in the face, knock you to the ground, you've gotta shape up encounter with God.  I was humbled dramatically by the people I met, the circumstances they lived in, and everything we experienced that week.  In Port au Prince, Haiti 2009, standing in the Faith Hope Love Infant Rescue, I understood for the first time, what true unselfish Godly love was supposed to look like.  Listening to Dorothy's testimony I finally understood what undeniable faith looked like. Through that trip, and the weeks following, I realized how messed up my life was.  I realized that I had strayed so far off course from what a Christian should be, and I knew things had to change.

I took small steps at that point, trying to get my life back on track.  The process was not easy, as I was still in that unhealthy relationship and not ready to give it up.  I knew, deep in my heart, my relationship was the biggest barrier standing between me and God.  I tried to "fix" the relationship, and justify those steps, but again, God knew better.  I was so afraid to walk away, paralyzed by the fear of loneliness, that I wouldn't give it up.

So, God intervened.

He gave my boyfriend at the time, enough courage to walk away and end things.  I was so hurt.  Lost.  Dying of sadness inside.  I thought my life had ended.  Little did I know, God would use that time to shape me into the woman I am today.

He knew I needed to be stripped bare of all of my comforts so that the only place left to run was to Him, and that's exactly what I did.   I dug my face into the Bible every night that first year.  I begged, pleaded, and cried to the Lord every night to take the heartache away, and every night he'd put my heart at rest.  God taught me through that painful situation to rely on Him, and Him alone for my needs.  He reminded me of the commitment I had made to him 13 years back.  God got my life, relationships, and journey back on track.  Most importantly, however, through His compassion, forgiveness, and persistence in my life I learned to put my Faith, hope, love, and trust in Him, and Him alone.  If I didn't understand what a relationship with Christ looked like at 6 years old, I most definitely learned in that moment!  I have never doubted my relationship with Christ. I knew I was a believer and that I had been saved, but it wasn't until after that trip to Haiti that I truly, wholeheartedly, 100% gave my life to Christ.  I decided that I couldn't, and wouldn't, ever go back to that place of loneliness, hurt, and insecurity.  I understood just how much I needed Christ, and from that moment on I have tried my very best to maintain a great relationship with Him and follow His calling.


I am not perfect.  I have never been perfect.  I've made some terrible, TERRIBLE, mistakes throughout my life.  Many mistakes I wish I could take back and erase from my past, but I can't.  They shaped me into who I am today.  While I hope 16 year old Allyson, never returns, I have to thank God for using that awful time in my life to shape me into a better person.  God could have left me, but He never gave up, not once!  

Fast forward to 2011.  At this point, I had finally healed from the breakup, mended all of the broken relationships, and had gotten life pretty well back on course.  Obviously,  I wasn't perfect those two years and made mistakes, but I had finally found peace and meaning in my life.  Over the course of those two years, two BIG years in the life of a young person, I had to make a lot of decisions about who I wanted to be, where I wanted to be, and how I was going to continue this chapter of my life into adulthood.  I spent countless hours praying and asking God to guide my path.  I asked Him to show me where He'd like me to be.  I prayed that He would use me and my life for His glory, whatever that looked like (that's a big prayer yall!!).  Every time I went searching for God's guidance my mind would turn to Haiti.  My heart longed to go back so badly.  There wasn't a single day that Haiti didn't cross my mind in one way or another.  I knew I had to go back, but had no idea how or when.  I also didn't put it together at first that God was answering my prayer.  He was saying I want you in Haiti; screaming it really.  I honestly thought he would give me a response regarding interior design, and for awhile the thought of any other path in life seemed out of question.  

It wasn't until the summer of 2011, that things really came together.  A mission trip to Ethiopia had fallen through, and Cassie (my best friend) encouraged me to go back to Haiti.  She knew how much I missed it, and how much I had longed to be back.  So, I contacted Dorothy, worked out the details, and Cassie and I headed to Haiti in December of 2011.

I had no clue when I got on the plane December 27, 2011 that my life was about to take a dramatic U-turn and finally fall into place how God planned.  We stayed with and worked at Dorothy's for two weeks during that trip.   My heart fell in love all over again with the people, culture, and Country. So much so, that I knew after our trip that I had to pursue missions in Haiti.  I didn't know what that would look like, or how it would happen, but I knew this beautiful and wonderful place would become a part of my life forever.

I spent the next few months in deep prayer, and time in the Word, looking for answers.  After a few weeks at home, I knew the calling was undeniable.  I knew 100% that I was supposed to move to Haiti and work as a missionary.  I knew, that I knew, that I knew.  But I was terrified.

In March of 2012, Cassie and I were both terribly missing Haiti.  So much, that I could barely make it an hour through a day without thinking about Dorothy, the kids, or Haiti.  We jokingly mentioned going back, and then decided that we really had to go, and started planning.  My roommates, at the time, mentioned an interest in joining me for a trip to Haiti so we opened up the trip to them as well.  Meredith immediately jumped on board, Jodi was having nothing to do with it, and shortly after, Jessica decided to join us!  I was so excited to share this place I had fallen in love with, with three of my best friends.  Even more so, I was super-giddily-excited to board that plane in May.  I couldn't wait to get back, discuss doing missions down there with Dorothy, and see how God was going to use that trip.

To my surprise, I left that trip in May feeling unsure of God's calling, and really questioning if I had heard him right.  Dorothy asked some hard questions and I really had to step back and examine, in great detail, whether God was calling me to Haiti; and if so, what was He calling me to do, and where specifically?

Did I mention I was absolutely, paralyzing-ly, terrified.  I spent many days crying at the thought of moving to Haiti.  There was just no way God would be calling me:  A 21 year old, with a terribly messed up past, to be a missionary.  There was just no way.  I didn't think I could do it.  There was just no way I could move to another Country alone.  I was too scared.

Fear.

A crippling, yet completely irrational, fear, that I let consume me.  In that short time I stepped away from pursuing the move, and decided I was unfit and incapable.  I immersed myself in school work, graduation, and applying for jobs.  I told myself that I had misunderstood God, and that this is where He wanted me, not in Haiti.  

Guess what?  I was wrong --- AGAIN!

For months I applied, applied, and applied some more, for jobs.  I took interview after interview thinking for sure I'd get a position, start working, get my own place, blah, blah blah.  God had other plans though.  He knew exactly where He wanted me, and that was not here in Durham, NC.  He wanted me in Haiti!! After multiple declined positions, and conversations with close friends, I realized that God was telling me this was not my path.  He knew if I got offered a job, that I would take it and get off track again.  God knew that I'd eventually come around, and realize that once again I'd stepped off course and needed to get back on track.

And, that's what I did.

I finally surrendered (again), and said "Ok God, I give up trying to maintain control of my life.  I know this is not where you want me, so please take the reigns and steer me in the right path."  I prayed,  "I'm ready Lord.  Help me to overcome my fears so that I can do the great work you have planned.  I'll go wherever you send me."

And well, you guessed it...He sent me back to Haiti!

During the summer of 2012, The opportunity for a third trip opened up.  I jumped at the opportunity, knowing this would be the trip to change everything.  This would be the trip where I finally took steps to overcome my fears, and truly follow God's calling for me to move to Haiti.

I had no idea just how BIG this trip would be!! I had no clue that God was going to bless my life in ways I never saw coming, before I even stepped foot back onto Haitian soil.  I knew God wanted me in Haiti, but the things he has done over the last few months have blown my mind while reassuring me, and my family, that this is most definitely the path I'm supposed to take.

Stay tuned, the best part is coming!

My Journey to Haiti: Part One

I've started, stopped, re-started, and deleted this post multiple times.  I can't seem to find the right words to do justice to this story.  To give enough praise and honor to God, who has orchestrated it all.  It's such a large story that I feel too small to write.

However, it is my story.  It's the story God has taken me through and continues to write.  It is my job to follow God's call, and share all of the spectacular things He has done in my life.  The whole point of this blog was to encourage, challenge, and inspire others through my story, and I know if I don't share the most important story of my life with you I would do more harm than good.  While I am not proud of all the steps that it took to get me to this point, they were all crucial and equally important.  God uses those hard, painful, and even shameful moments in our lives to shape and mold us into the people He wants us to be.  While I don't enjoy sharing my sinful moments, I know that God can use my story to mold other people, so I must be faithful in sharing the good, bad, and all the in between moments up to this point.

So here goes...Let me give you a little background of how I came to know the Lord, because lets be honest:  I wouldn't be here today, sharing my story, if that had never happened :)

When I was six years old, a close friend of mine shared the ABC's to becoming a Christian with me.  (A- Admit that you're a sinner and acknowledge that you need Christ to forgive you,  B- Believe that Jesus is God's son and he came to Earth to pay the penalty for your sins by dying on the cross, and C- Confess that Jesus is Lord and commit your life to Him.)  My friend had just finished VBS at her church, and was so excited to share this with me.

Now, I grew up in a loving Christian family who always took me to church.  Our family was there, no questions asked, every Sunday Morning, Sunday night, and Wednesday night.  I was no stranger to the ABC's, but in that moment I finally got excited about it.  I remember jumping off the swings in our backyard, and running inside to tell my mom about my decision.  We met with our Pastor, and I got baptized shortly after. I remember how excited my family and friends were. I remember another close friend of mine getting saved around the same time, and the thought of being baptized together was so exciting for me.

Needless to say, I had a 6 year-old's mentality of what it meant to be a follower of Christ.  It's honestly hard for me to say if in that moment I truly understood how huge the commitment, I was making, really was.  I know my family and pastor would not have let me get baptized if they didn't believe I truly understood, but I genuinely don't remember what I knew at that age.

I do, however, know that from that moment on I looked at myself as a Christian.  I remember always making it a point to tell my friends about my beliefs.  I loved being "the Christian girl" in my group of friends.  It was something I took pride in.

And then, high school came.  Oh high school....the four years of my life I regret the most.

High School is when I truly lost myself.  I got in a very unhealthy relationship (which I was completely blind to at the time),  I pushed my parents, family, and friends away in every unthinkable way.  All I cared about then, was myself, and that relationship.  Anything that got in the way was simply unacceptable, and I did whatever possible to remove the hurdle.  I get knots in my stomach just thinking back at all of the horrible things I did and said, to so many people back then, that I truly loved and cared about.  If I could redo anytime in my life, it would be that time.

I am not proud of those years.  I ruined so many relationships, hurt so many people, lost track of all things good and Godly, and totally lost myself along the way.  I had fallen so off course with where I wanted my life to be, that it honestly, felt impossible to repair.

I still claimed to be a Christian during that time, and always made it a point to tell my friends.  I tried to justify my sinful actions, and make excuses to hide them.  I had gotten so far off course from what it meant to be a Christian, that it's a wonder my friends ever believed me when I said I was a Christian.

Luckily, we serve a great God.  One who NEVER gives up on his children, no matter how hard we try to push Him away, and no matter how many times we sin.

It wasn't until college that I finally stepped back and realized how far my life had gotten off course...

Stay tuned for parts 2 & 3.  This story was too big, and too long, for one post :)

Where Do I Start??

10 days...

Is that really all it's been since my last post?  It feels like months to me!

The past couple of weeks have been packed with all kinds of things.  I've found myself blessed beyond belief amidst all the craziness that has been happening lately.

Last Tuesday I got my wisdom teeth removed.  I've had 19 teeth surgically removed, so I wasn't really worried about having four more taken out.   I wasn't looking forward to having it done, but it needed to happen (while still on mom and dad's insurance :) thanks mom!).   The whole process has been pretty good.  I didn't have much swelling or pain at all.  My jaw has been a little achey, and I don't particularly care for the taste/feeling of the incision site, but that is to be expected.  I'm finally reaching the healing process (Thank you Lord!), and am eager to have my mouth back to normal.

I've also kind of been working over the last month.  A few weeks ago I posted on Facebook that I was looking for some odd jobs (babysitting, design work, organizing, etc) to start saving up for the move to Haiti.  I was shocked at how many people reached out to help!!  I've really enjoyed meeting new people, helping out any way I can, and having something new to do each day.  I've also created some great new contacts through all of this, which will be so helpful when the day comes to really hardcore fundraise!

Lately I've been helping a mom of 5 twice a week.   She just had baby #5 so I've come in to give her some time off to relax, heal, and get things done without five kids screaming her name.  Their family is great and have been such an encouragement.  Her kids instantly opened up to me and it's been really fun every time I've gone to help.  Plus I get to hold and cuddle a 3 week old baby, what's not to love!  Seriously though, it's been such a blessing!

Now I'm starting to help another young woman and her husband with household needs (running errands, cleaning, etc).  I met with her today and was so encouraged to hear how strong their faith was. They have/are setting up their guest room with a Missions theme so that anyone who stays in their home will either be encouraged in their walk with the Lord or have a chance to learn about God.  People always say "your mission field is where ever you are."  This couple has truly grasped onto that concept and it was such an encouragement!

I've found myself the last two weeks feeling discouraged and unsure about the move to Haiti.  Not in the sense that I was questioning it, I just felt like things weren't moving and I SO desperately want them to.  After spending some time in the Word I realized that my feelings of discontentment were because I had let my priorities get out of check.   I had begun focusing on working, money, getting the answers, etc, and I forgot to make God the first and most important priority in my day.  After some serious praying and asking God to help me refocus my thoughts and priorities I can already see an improvement in my mood, outlook, and contentment.   I asked God to light me on fire for Haiti again and show me what step to take next.

No surprise here....He answered!!

On Sunday I was SO encouraged by people at our church.  Lots of people have come up to me to say they are praying for me, and ready to support me when the time comes.  Other families are already saving up to help me in the fundraising.  Another amazing thing: Mom told me that the church of one of her coworkers has committed to supporting me as their missionary for the year. All of that, plus these jobs I've been getting has really encouraged me.  It lets me know that God sees me, and He knows exactly what I need.  He is already going ahead of me and preparing the way.  I am so thankful to serve a God that loves me THAT much!  He has never, and will never, leave me or forsake me.  He knows my needs and provides them.   I feel incredibly, INCREDIBLY, blessed!

And just when I thought God was done encouraging me for the day, I got a message from Amber.  She is on her way back to Haiti and will be staying through April.  Her goal is to get that building, and I am SOOO very excited to see how it all plays out!!  Please join me in covering Amber, this building, and her mission in prayers.  If she can get the property, things will really get moving!  Please pray that God will bless her time in Haiti.  Pray that He will guide her path as she begins the journey to purchase this building.  Please pray that God will provide an affordable property for her to use (even if it's not this one!).  Pray that He will be her strength, comfort, and provider.  Pray that even on the hard days, Amber will feel God's presence and guidance.  God is faithful to hear and answer our prayers;  please please pray!! This is SO important!!

We serve an amazing God.  A-MA-ZING!

I promise my next post will be about how God has gotten me to this point.  It's a big story to tell, and I want to make sure I do justice to it.

Wishful Wednesday: Wishing The Crud Away

Ugh.

I hate this time of year.  The bipolar weather has sent my sinuses on a roller coaster and they simply cannot keep up anymore.  I woke up yesterday congested and had a terrible cough.  This morning I could barely breathe, my voice was completely gone, and I was still congested...

Yuck.

I haven't been sick in so long, I forgot how miserable it is.  Not to mention I was supposed to babysit today, and had to cancel in fear I'd pass this crud along to the kids.

Blah.

Hey did you see they're calling for snow tomorrow??? Bipolar weather I'm telling you!

Bear with me as the blogging will be sparse this week.  Here's to hoping this crud goes away quickly!

Escaping the Limbo: I'm Moving to Haiti!

My biggest God moment of the entire week in Haiti was Tuesday night when I sat down with mom, Donna, Jim, & Debbie to discuss how I felt called to Haiti.  The conversation started with just mom, Donna, & I over a game of Rummikub.  I don't really remember how it got started, but I vividly remember how it went and how it ended (lots of tears, excitement, expressing of fears,  overcoming those fears, and lots of encouragement through it all).

Donna (Jim's sister) is a motivational speaker, and is now working with Jim Debbie at their House of Hope in Haiti.  To say that she has a way with words is an understatement.  She asked me some very difficult questions and really pushed me to get out of the limbo of not knowing.  When she and I started talking, I was in a place of maybes, what if's, and I don't knows.  I wasn't 100% sure of God's calling or if I was able to do what He was asking.  I knew God had been laying some pretty big stepping stones up to this point, but I felt like I had run into a wall.  I was questioning where I'd work in Haiti, where I'd live, what I'd be doing, how I'd raise the money, etc.

It wasn't that I didn't want to go, I just felt like the journey had come to a stand still, and I wasn't sure how to get it moving again.  I was also still in a place of exploring working as a designer here in the States, and trying to mesh the two together somehow.

Basically I was full of excuses.

Donna put it bluntly (which I most definitely needed!!) that if I were raising these questions about anything else in life, I would go get on the web or begin getting connections to answer these questions.

Duh Allyson!!

I had let my fears, and overwhelming amounts of questions paralyze me.  Instead of taking steps forward I just froze and stopped trusting that God would show me the way.  Donna pushed me to let go of the "I don't knows"  & "I don't cares" and to begin taking steps forward.  She, Jim, & Debbie all encouraged me by saying, that once I began taking steps forward to follow God's call, whatever they may be,  that the ball would begin moving again and it would all fall in place.

So, here I am now saying to you all that I am no longer pursuing a career in design, I am no longer letting the fears or questions paralyze me, and I'm taking the first step forward by announcing this:

I'm moving to Haiti to do full-time Missions!!!

I still do not know when I'll leave, where I'll be working, where I'll be living, or how much financial support I'll need to raise, but the move is going to happen!  My hope is that I'll be down there by the end of the year.  I've already started talking to some contacts Jim, Debbie, & Donna gave me about possible opportunities.  Nothing has been decided yet, as there are a lot of details that need to be figured out first.  I'm pleading with you to cover this journey in prayers.  The power of prayer is a POWERFUL tool that we all have access to.  I would be so appreciative if you could remember me each day as you pray.

One specific prayer I'd like to ask you to lift up is for Amber Hasson & the ministry she is trying to start in Haiti (Amber is one of the contacts Donna gave me).  She is trying to start a trade school for young men & women in the Ravine (see previous post).  From what I understand, she is hoping the school will provide them with access to education learning basic skills that can assist them in getting jobs.  She is also hoping to provide a daycare area for parents, so they can work without having to leave their little ones at home alone.  I haven't heard the full expanse of her dreams for this place, but what I do know is right now she is in her own place of waiting.  There is a building right by the Ravine that she is hoping to buy and fix up to run this trade school in.  She is in the process of trying to figure out if it is for sale, if so how much, and if it is something she could afford.  As I spoke to her about the possibility of teaming up with her in this journey, she seemed excited, but explained that nothing can move forward until the building is purchased.  She asked that I pray with her over this, so I am asking you all to do the same.  If it is God's will that this building become a place for his work, I know it will come to pass.  Here is the building she is hoping to buy:

Please join me in covering Amber, this building, and her mission/dreams in prayer!

I don't know yet if this is where God will have me work, but it would be an honor and a joy to partner with Amber.  Until then, I will do my part, and that is to pray and support her.


As for some other steps I am beginning to take in following God's call:  
-I'm planning to start learning Creole.  Every missionary I spoke with last week urged me to learn the language before I come full-time.  They all said it makes life much easier and your work more effective.  So here's to learning Creole!! I'm pretty excited about this step!

-Begin creating more contacts in Haiti and exploring mission opportunities for me.

-Take a trip back to Haiti alone to do this networking & exploring.

-Begin trying to save up as much money as I can, while I try to get a better understanding of how much I'll need to raise before I can go.

-Pray, pray, pray, & Pray some more.  Along with faithfully trusting God every step of the way.

-Begin taking on more mission opportunities here at home.  Jim made a very good point that if I'm not sharing God's word at home, then there's no way I'll share when I'm there.  I need to make an even bigger effort to share God's word every chance I get here.  I need to break through some of my self-doubts and insecurities and just go full force.  Practice makes perfect right?!  A couple of ways I've already agreed to are by being a small group leader for our church's upcoming youth Metamorphosis weekend, and by agreeing to be the Director at Grey Stone Kids Camp again this summer.  These are two HUGE witnessing tools, and I'm excited to go even further than I have before with them both.

-And then, along this whole journey I will be trying to discern God's specific call for me in Haiti.  I seriously cannot ask you enough to cover this in prayer! It is a HUGE step in the process, and one I find myself worrying about often.  (That's the planner in me!  Trying to let that go and trust God with the plans!).  Once details are figured out the fundraising and specific logistical plans will begin happening.


I am so so SO very excited about this next chapter of my life.  I have never felt more at peace about a decision before, and I cannot wait to see how God will use, challenge, and grow me through it all.

I'm moving to Haiti!!!!!!