This is really happening

This is all really happening...and happening very fast!

When I started this blog, I promised to be honest with my readers and myself.  That means you will be seeing all sides of this journey to Haiti: the good, the bad, the ugly, the beautiful, and everything in between.  This post is a little bit of it all!

I found out on Sunday that I will be moving to Haiti a little earlier than originally anticipated (more to come on that soon).  While I am excited and anxious to be down there, I have to be honest, this is scary!  I keep finding myself stopping and staring off in disbelief that I'm actually moving to Haiti.  Part of that realization has caused me to stop and enjoy the simple things in life.  Things like this beautiful fall weather, the comfort of my bed, the joy of pushing the AC down when I get hot, hopping in my car to run a quick errand or meet friends for lunch...all of those things will be coming to an end soon.  While I am cherishing each moment until then, part of me is really dreading leaving the comforts of home.  I keep finding myself on the verge of tears in those moments.  I try to keep it together, but to be honest it's hard at times.

I think more than anything, I am not looking forward to the transition period in Haiti.  I know there will be moments when I question everything, when the homesickness will seem unbareable, when adjusting to new normals isn't easy...I dread those hard times.  However I am also SO looking forward to all of the good times.  Things like knowing I am doing exactly what God has called me to do, serving the women at this ministry, getting to wrap my arms around the kids at Dorothy's again, and so much more.  Those are the times I am trying to focus on right now.

I know this journey is not going to be easy.  I know the transition may not come naturally.  I know there will be both good and bad times.  I also know that with God, all things are possible and that HE will help me through every aspect of this journey.  This is what I keep reminding myself of.  God's strength is more powerful than all of ours combined, and that is what I am relying on today.  As I work through the details of moving dates, packing, fundraising, etc, I am leaning on Christ. HIS grace is sufficient.

I cherish your continued prayers over me and this journey.

My Journey to Haiti: Part One

I've started, stopped, re-started, and deleted this post multiple times.  I can't seem to find the right words to do justice to this story.  To give enough praise and honor to God, who has orchestrated it all.  It's such a large story that I feel too small to write.

However, it is my story.  It's the story God has taken me through and continues to write.  It is my job to follow God's call, and share all of the spectacular things He has done in my life.  The whole point of this blog was to encourage, challenge, and inspire others through my story, and I know if I don't share the most important story of my life with you I would do more harm than good.  While I am not proud of all the steps that it took to get me to this point, they were all crucial and equally important.  God uses those hard, painful, and even shameful moments in our lives to shape and mold us into the people He wants us to be.  While I don't enjoy sharing my sinful moments, I know that God can use my story to mold other people, so I must be faithful in sharing the good, bad, and all the in between moments up to this point.

So here goes...Let me give you a little background of how I came to know the Lord, because lets be honest:  I wouldn't be here today, sharing my story, if that had never happened :)

When I was six years old, a close friend of mine shared the ABC's to becoming a Christian with me.  (A- Admit that you're a sinner and acknowledge that you need Christ to forgive you,  B- Believe that Jesus is God's son and he came to Earth to pay the penalty for your sins by dying on the cross, and C- Confess that Jesus is Lord and commit your life to Him.)  My friend had just finished VBS at her church, and was so excited to share this with me.

Now, I grew up in a loving Christian family who always took me to church.  Our family was there, no questions asked, every Sunday Morning, Sunday night, and Wednesday night.  I was no stranger to the ABC's, but in that moment I finally got excited about it.  I remember jumping off the swings in our backyard, and running inside to tell my mom about my decision.  We met with our Pastor, and I got baptized shortly after. I remember how excited my family and friends were. I remember another close friend of mine getting saved around the same time, and the thought of being baptized together was so exciting for me.

Needless to say, I had a 6 year-old's mentality of what it meant to be a follower of Christ.  It's honestly hard for me to say if in that moment I truly understood how huge the commitment, I was making, really was.  I know my family and pastor would not have let me get baptized if they didn't believe I truly understood, but I genuinely don't remember what I knew at that age.

I do, however, know that from that moment on I looked at myself as a Christian.  I remember always making it a point to tell my friends about my beliefs.  I loved being "the Christian girl" in my group of friends.  It was something I took pride in.

And then, high school came.  Oh high school....the four years of my life I regret the most.

High School is when I truly lost myself.  I got in a very unhealthy relationship (which I was completely blind to at the time),  I pushed my parents, family, and friends away in every unthinkable way.  All I cared about then, was myself, and that relationship.  Anything that got in the way was simply unacceptable, and I did whatever possible to remove the hurdle.  I get knots in my stomach just thinking back at all of the horrible things I did and said, to so many people back then, that I truly loved and cared about.  If I could redo anytime in my life, it would be that time.

I am not proud of those years.  I ruined so many relationships, hurt so many people, lost track of all things good and Godly, and totally lost myself along the way.  I had fallen so off course with where I wanted my life to be, that it honestly, felt impossible to repair.

I still claimed to be a Christian during that time, and always made it a point to tell my friends.  I tried to justify my sinful actions, and make excuses to hide them.  I had gotten so far off course from what it meant to be a Christian, that it's a wonder my friends ever believed me when I said I was a Christian.

Luckily, we serve a great God.  One who NEVER gives up on his children, no matter how hard we try to push Him away, and no matter how many times we sin.

It wasn't until college that I finally stepped back and realized how far my life had gotten off course...

Stay tuned for parts 2 & 3.  This story was too big, and too long, for one post :)

And so it begins..

I have officially begun/almost finished packing for my THIRD trip to Haiti.  It is finally beginning to feel real, get exciting, and for whatever reason I'm a little nervous.  It's crazy to think that I'll be in Haiti in less than 48 hours. However, I am so so SO very excited to wrap my arms around Johnny and give him the biggest hug ever!!!  I also cannot wait to hug and catch up with Dorothy!  Not to mention, I cannot wait to see Meredith and Jessica and catch up with them!  I've been going through serious roommate withdrawls!  So many amazing things could happen through this trip and I am very excited to see what God has in store!  I'm really hoping I'll get some clarity on the details about moving to Haiti and truly sense God's calling in all of it while I'm there.  I could really use your prayers as I take this journey and continue to follow the path God is leading me on! Haiti here we come!!!!!

Haiti Rewind: Day Two

On our first official day in Haiti we were awakened at 2am by our lovely friends the Roosters. They obviously were not on the same time clock as us. Around 6:30am we got up, did our quiet times, and went down stairs for breakfast. They had fresh fruit and toast for breakfast and it was so delicious. I had been worried about the food, because when I went to Ecuador years ago the food was definitely a challenge. But they served delicious food all week. After breakfast we loaded up in the tap-tap and headed over to Sherri's.

Sherri runs a school/orphanage from her home, where hundreds of kids are given the opportunity to receive a quality education. She is an incredibly sweet and passionate woman and has done so many wonderful things for the people and children in Haiti.

When we got to her house we were greeted by a group of kids and dogs who were so excited to see us, and acted like they had known us their entire lives. Around 9am we headed over to this little 2nd floor church. Everyone was in their very best clothing, kids dressed in their best dresses, and so passionate about hearing the Word of God. They had one wire that could either power the light or the microphone but made it work. The whole service was in Creole but I have never heard such joyful singing to the Lord before. There were probably 50 of them in the room and they sang louder then any performance i've ever heard. It would give me chills listening to them praise God. At the end of the service our team lined up at the front of the church and we sang Amazing Grace in english, while they sang it in Creole. Absolutely the most beautiful version of Amazing Grace i've ever heard. After church, we went back to Sherri's, had lunch, and then packed up to walk the revine.

Our journey through the revine was indescribable. The poverty was overwhelming, like nothing I had ever seen before. There were houses upon houses, small dirty roads, trash filled river, and people everywhere. It made me very aware of just how spoiled americans are and how much we take for grantid. These people live in a one room concrete brick home with 10-15 people per home, and a tin roof. And here we are in america with mansions, multiple cars, money in our wallets, good health, and we go about each day with out thinking twice. In most cases we find ourselves thinking we need more. I remember feeling so incredibly guilty for my unthankful attitude back home. After we crossed the ravine- this trash filled river that they use as their drinking, cleaning, and bathing water- groups of parents and children would come rushing up to Sherri. They did this because Sherri has set up a program in the ravine that keeps all the children there from becoming sick or malnourished. So parents would bring their kids to her to get medicine, food and clothing for newborns, etc. They are all so grateful for Sherri and I felt blessed to have the opportunity to be able to help a small bit in her mission.

After we walked the ravine, we headed back to our guest house for dinner. They served spaghetti which was delicious and then we had our group devotion time. I remember being completely exhausted during that devotion time. The sinus infection I was battling combined with the heat and the day's activities had warn me out. I tried my best to stay awake but it was difficult. After devotion we separated out all of the supplies we had brought and then they told me I should go to bed. So I gladly left, took a shower, and headed to bed.

It was an incredible day- and just the beginning of me falling in love with Haiti!

(The pictures posted in the opposite order of how they happened. Start from the bottom to get proper order)

Haiti Rewind: Day One

Day one of our Haiti trip started off pretty rough. The night before we were to head to the airport, I started feeling really bad and realized I had gotten a sinus infection. I asked dad to take me to urgent care (which he was not at all happy about), but luckily he had an extra z-pack I was able to take. So the next morning we packed the car and headed off to the airport. Our first flight, from Raleigh to Miami went very smooth. I was worried that the pressure in the cabin would make me miserable because I was so stuffed up, but it wasn't a problem at all on our first flight. The flight from Miami to Haiti however, was a completely different story. Once we reached altitude I had the most excruciating pain in my ears from the pressure. It was so bad that I started feeling sick from the pain. By the time we landed I was about ready to rip my ears off. The worst part was that I couldn't get my ears to unclog, so for the first few days in Haiti, it felt and sounded like I was under water -- MISERABLE! I decided right then, I will never get on a plane sick again.

The flight from Miami to Haiti also had some other troubles. Before we loaded, they switched us between 3 different gates and we weren't able to load until 3pm. Once everyone had boarded the plane we thought we we're good to go. Wrong- they made us all get off the plane because a lady with 5 kids, lost one of her child's passports. We ended up sitting in the airport for another 3 hours. Jim, Jeremiah's dad, thought they would cancel the flight because air crews don't like being in Port Au Prince that late at night. Luckily we re-boarded the plane around 6 and were finally on our way to Haiti. I remember looking around at all the Haitians on the plane, and it really began to set in where we were going, and who we would be helping. When we got to Haiti, we made it through customs pretty easy, and all but one of our bags made it. (We think we forgot to check that bag when we were in Raleigh)

Our next hurdle was to make it out of the airport. Jim had told us that when we left the airport in Haiti, to expect a ton of men wanting to push our carts for us. He told us to tell them no, because to them if they just lay a hand on your stuff then you owe them money for "helping," and boy was he right. There were tons of people wanting to help, and no matter how many times we said no, they wouldn't give up. We eventually just let them so we could get to our tap-tap (Haitian transportation) quicker.

Our ride to the guesthouse was pretty quiet from what I remember, but that could be because I couldn't hear much anyways. I just took everything in and began praying for our week and all the people we would be reaching. The guest house was SO much nicer than I had expected, and to my surprise I felt completely safe. They served us beef stew for dinner, we all showered, and headed to bed with ear plugs in hand ready to take on the next day.

Haiti Rewind

I was cleaning out some old notebooks today and ran across the notes I wrote each day during my time in Haiti last year. I had planned at some point to write out everything more in depth but obviously forgot all about it. So now that i've run across them again, I figured this would be the best place to write. So the next couple of days, I will write out my thoughts from my week in Haiti. Until then, here are some pictures that highlight some of my favorite memories in Haiti.