2015 Goals

As I was looking back over my goals last year and all that was (or wasn't) accomplished, I realized that overall having some concrete goals to obtain was really helpful for me throughout the year.  Last year was the first time I'd ever written out goals, let alone shared them with anyone, but I found that it kept me motivated and for the most part on track throughout the year.  Having some added accountability in place really did wonders for me last year.

With that in mind, I've decided to make written goals a tradition with the hopes that this year will prove to be even more successful!  Some of this year's goals are bigger, some are more specific, and some are broader than last year, but overall I think they help touch each part of my life that I'd like to make some changes in.

So here goes nothing....for 2015, my goals are as follows: (Items that are underlined & bold are my top goals for this year).

Health:

• Lose 50 pounds (no surgery plans this year so I want to get back on track!).
• Work out at least 3x/week - swimming, walking more, and starting some in-home exercises.
• Strengthen my core and upper body. 
• Make it a point to not eat out at all at least 1 week every month.

Finances:

• Pay off two loans completely.  
• This is a BIG goal, but one of my top goals for 2015.  Other goals throughout this post will be going to help make this one a reality! 
• Decrease areas of my budget as much as possible where I can (i.e. - money spent on going out, clothing, entertainment, etc).
• Implement the "Save the Extra" method.  
• Instead of rolling over extra cash from items in my budget at the end of the month, my goal is to now take that money and put it straight into savings so I can start saving up for my own apartment, trips, etc.
• Plan now for Christmas.
• My goal is to start putting a little aside each month for Christmas so that the "gifting frenzy" won't be as bad this year.

Home:

• Re-organize!
• This is an easy goal for me, but we all need those right?  My goal is to re-organize my closet, desk, and dresser to be more functional this week.
• Get tax items in order.
• I want to scan all of my receipts from Haiti last year into my digital system, and de-clutter that area of my life.  Yay for less clutter!
• Get all of my items for 2014 taxes in order, scanned, and ready to be filed come February.
• Gather all of my items stored upstairs and down at home, inventory them, and have Dad store them all together in one place.
• This may be wishful thinking, but having my stuff strewn about 100 places makes me anxious, so this would be a huge weight lifted!  Plus it'd be nice to know what all I have whenever the day comes that an apartment is an option :).

Personal:

• Contentment Challenge. 
• After all of the buzz of the Holiday's, I keep finding myself feeling very discontent and it's been tugging at my heart.  So, I've decided to make contentment one of my major goals this year.   Some ways I'll be doing that are:
• Digging into God's word.
• De-cluttering my inbox and social media sites by removing/unsubscribing from all unnecessary shopping ads.  There are very few that I actually shop at regularly and the rest are just constant temptations that need to be removed.
• Limiting online shopping.
• Limiting my non-essential shopping trips.
• Eating at home vs going out.

• Read more.
• Read at least 6 books this year (one every other month).
• Continue to decrease my time on social media.
• Invest more time into local missions and volunteer work.
• Help youth at Church with their fundraising efforts.
• Father's day/Christmas project.
• Take some "me" time - away from work.
• Trip to the beach, lake, something for myself!
• Be more intentional about hanging out with friends - especially with those who live further away!
• Take an ID5 trip
• Have a girl's weekend with local friends
• Beach trip

This is a lofty list, but I'm really excited about the possibility of making it all a reality!  Here's to kicking off 2015 with a strong start!  What are your top goals this year??

Let Go & Let God: Update on Haiti & Recovery

This blog post is overdue, and that's because I have been putting it off.  I've told this story to so many people lately, explained my thoughts/circumstances, and received so many thoughts to consider over the last few weeks, that I feel like a broken record that just can't seem to get back on course.

I'm lost, unsure, and a little discouraged over it all, but I'm leaving it at God's feet and trusting He will show me that right path when the time comes.  I ask that after reading this post, that you would lift up a prayer for me as I seek God's will on what to do.  I'm at the point now where I just have to "Let go & Let God" - a quote on a gift from a dear friend and mentor.

As many (if not all) of you know, the recovery process since my surgery has been more complicated than originally anticipated. This has left me with some big decisions to make regarding where to go next on this journey.

Option A:  I return to Haiti as soon as I'm able (it is still unknown when that will be an option) and finish out my commitment through October.  This would mean putting long term PT care on hold, potential risk of further injury, and limited access to medical care if something were to happen; BUT it would allow me to follow through with my commitment and dream of living and working in Haiti on the mission field, which so many people have donated to help me do.

Option B: I stay here in the USA, continue PT for best results, have easy access to my doctors and medical care, and begin focusing on short-term/local missions for a while.  If I go this route, I would also begin exploring career options & dreams of mine.  However, this option would mean breaking my commitment to living in Haiti for the year, and giving up (at least for a while) the dream of being a missionary overseas.

Neither option is perfect, and neither option is a no-brainer for me.  There are days where either one seems like the best course and then the next morning I'm on the fence again.  Do I make my commitment to Haiti or my long-term health the priority right now?  Either way I choose I can be successful in different regards, and either way I know God will use me, but I'm still unsure of which one is best.  As I said, I'm desperately in need of your prayers right now.

This is not a decision I take lightly. So many of you have given to help me following this calling, and I want to honor everyone's support and financial gifts to the best of my ability.   For now, I'm focusing on getting my incision to heal, gaining strength, and our upcoming short trip to Haiti in April.  Please continue to keep me in your prayers.

Thank you all SO very much for all of your love, support, and advice throughout this journey.   Hopefully I will have an update with a decision for you all soon.  Until then, please just keep me in your prayers.

On a really random and more upbeat note:

I REALLY miss these girls!! I think a reunion needs to be in our very near future =).

Under the Knife

(Ha! Ok so maybe it won't look like this..)

First of all let me say how excited I am to have my computer back!!! While a little break from technology was nice, I have missed this little gem of mine...even if it is considered "vintage" now. Don't ask.


Any who... Surgery is tomorrow.  Yuck.


I'm beyond ready to have relief from this pain but I'm not looking forward to having surgery. The whole thing freaks me out (thank God for anesthesia!!). I'd like to go ahead and be put under now so my mind can stop racing about the whole process.  This two week waiting time is not the best idea for someone who over thinks and gets anxious about procedures... Just sayin'!


...Enough thinking about that.


In other news, I booked my flight back to Haiti this week!  It was an exciting glimpse of hope that this will all be over soon and I can get back to doing what God has called me to do.  I've loved being at home, but I'm missing Haiti quite a bit and everyone I know down there.  So, March 4th I get to return to that land I love so much and I'm really looking forward to it!!  I'll still have some restrictions on what I can do but they are all things I can work with thanks to the wonderful friends I have in the area :)!


Ok back to getting ready for ignoring tomorrow...starting with lots of cuddling from this cute pup!

Heartbreak and a Call to Prayer

The hospital where this sweet woman is being treated.

 

What did you do the last two days?

For me, Wednesday and Thursday were like none other.  I started Wednesday off like any normal day.  I was up around 7am, fixed breakfast, Jeremiah came to look at installing the inverter, Esther came by to clean the house for Emily, and things were just normal; running smoothly and enjoyable.  However, as I was fixing dinner that night, my world was rocked.  I got a call from my good friend Erin Fairbanks, who is now working at Dorothy's.  She had been at the hospital all day with Emmanuella, one of the kids at Dorothy's, who was getting her pre-op done for a feeding tube surgery next week.  While at the hospital, Erin was talking with a friend there who mentioned they had an abused woman in their care and they weren't sure where to send her, or who does that kind of ministry here in Port.  Naturally, Erin thought of us and gave me a call wondering if we could take this lady in.

Here is where it got hard.

Come to find out, an American man who brings teams down regularly always checks on this Haitian lady, takes her food, etc.  While in town this past week, he could not find her.  He began to ask around wondering if she had moved, past away, was sick, etc.  They eventually found her in a cemetery.  Bound with wire, gagged, and with severe injuries.  He immediately took her to the hospital for treatment. When I heard this my heart sank.

Who would do such a thing and why?  Why her?  Who did it?  Was it voodoo, her husband, family? How do we help her?  How do we turn her away?  Can we take her in?  Are we equipped for that yet? What is her state of mind even like?  What type of treatment would she need? How do we help her?!??

I spent all of Wednesday night in tears and on the computer emailing back and forth between Erin, Patricia, Emily, and me.  It broke all of our hearts.  We had to do something but what could we do?  We aren't equipped, trained, or prepared to take women like this in, but how do we turn her away??  There are so few places, if any, here in Haiti to send this woman.  My mind raced all night as I tried to figure out how we could help.

Then Thursday came around.  Erin texted and asked if I'd like to go with them to the hospital and meet this lady.  I said yes, and off we went.  I thought from the conversation we had the night before that I was prepared to see this woman, but boy was I wrong.  We sat and talked with the nurse first to get a better understanding of what happened and the severity of her injuries.

We were informed that they believe she was used in some sort of Voodoo ceremony.  They are unclear of how long she had been there, but from her injuries they concluded it had to have been for some time.  The nurse said her whole body was bound with wire.  Her fingers bound so tight that at the base they were cut to the bone, barely hanging on.  She had a huge open wound on her knee where you could see all the tendons and ligaments.  She said this wound was badly infected with screw worms, like nothing they'd seen before.  To the point that they had to call a vet to figure out how to get rid of them. She also has a hole in her ankle where they believe she has some other type of worm living because you can watch its air bubbles come to the surface (she will need surgery for this soon).  She was infested with maggots, everywhere.  In places you would never want maggots.  She was missing a few fingers, which could have been a previous injury or caused from the wire.  They believe she will lose her leg and need a prosthetic in the near future.  Her injuries are so severe that she will be spending a while in the hospital. The nurse also told us that when she was brought to the hospital and finally cleaned up, they took her to her room.  They said she bent down, smelled the sheets (noticing they were clean), smiled the biggest smile they've ever seen, and then laid down and fell right asleep.  The nurse said you could tell it was the first time she had felt safe in a long time.

I was not prepared. Not even close.

It took all I had to not burst into tears when I met this woman face to face.  I couldn't think of anything to say.  I asked how she was doing and told the nurse that we would figure out some way to help.  I wasn't sure what that would look like, but we WOULD help!

As we left, my heart broke in two. Who could do such a thing to this woman?  Why is this world so cruel? How on Earth are we going to help?

Needless to say, she needs your prayers and we need your prayers!!  This is not the first time we've been asked to take someone in.  There simply aren't enough ministries here serving these types of cases.  While our original plan was to not house women, as this question keeps arising we are becoming increasingly aware that this may just be the path God wants our ministry to go. Unfortunately, we are not equipped to take this sweet woman in, but we are beginning the process of looking into this as an option in the future.

Unfortunately, saying yes is not as easy as it sounds.  While our hearts scream ABSOLUTELY we'll take her, our minds are reminded of how big of a committment that is.  As soon as we take the first woman in, we will open our gates to a revolving door of these cases.  We will get knocks and calls all the time.  That then forces us to face and prepare for these questions:

-Who do we take in?
-Who do we turn away?
-How many women can we house?
-What services can we provide?
-What if they need medical care?  We don't have a nurse here, transportation to take them to the hospital, or the supplies to even do basic medical care here.
-How long do they stay?
-How do we keep track of their progress when they decide to leave?
-How will we afford to feed and provide medical care to these women?
-What training does our staff need to provide proper counseling and care?
-How do we turn someone away?
-What are the guidelines for the women we'll accept?
-How do we even decide what cases are "acceptable" here?
-How do we protect them in the long run?
-How do we keep ourselves and this ministry safe once we start this program?
-How do we say no?

And the list can go on, and on, and on!

These questions have been racing through our minds the last two days as we explore this new path for the ministry.

Please keep us in your prayers.  Pray that God would provide the wisdom, knowledge, resources, and provision if this is His will.  If it's not His will, please pray that he would close the door.  Pray that we would have the courage to take this step and explore this area of ministry.  Pray for our hearts and our minds, as nothing can put into words the things we've seen the last two days.  Please pray for us as we try to discern God's will.  If this is the path we are to take, please pray that we will figure out how to put it into action.

I was not prepared.  I'm not prepared.  But God doesn't call the equipped.  

Please pray for this sweet woman.  We don't even know her name because she speaks so softly that no one can understand.  She goes by about four different names at the hospital, but we hope as she continues to gain her voice and confidence that we will come to know her name soon.  In the mean time,  please pray for her.  Pray for her health, quick and complete healing, for her emotional state, that this would not crush her spirit, and that some how some good will come from this. She needs our prayers.

Please pray. For her. For us.  For the women we will soon be serving.

Ps.  Sorry there is no picture of this sweet lady.  I couldn't bring myself to ask for a picture when I saw her yesterday.

Mind Fog

As I sit awake tonight, my mind seems to be endlessly wandering again.  It's 4am and I cannot seem to fall asleep.  I thought maybe writing a blog post would help, but the right words just aren't coming to mind.  My thoughts have been all over the place tonight, but one verse keeps sticking out in my memory.

"Be strong and courageous.  Do not be afraid nor dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go."  Joshua 1:9

I read that passage in my bible study the other night, and it has glued itself to my memory ever since.  I can study some verses for days and still not be able to recite it back word for word.  This one however, I read once and it stuck.  I'm guessing that's because it was what I needed, and still need, to hear.

Be strong & courageous.
Do not be afraid.
God is with you wherever you go.

Three statements that have been my strength this week.   I don't really know how to verbalize my emotional state or train of thought over everything, but this verse seems to sum it up, or at least put my mind at rest.

Hopefully it will bring you some encouragement today as well.

Now off to bed for me.

This Just Got Real

Nine days guys.  NINE! I am moving to Haiti in nine days....

Say what?!

Let me wrap my head around that for a minute...

Ok, 9 days. I can do this! I should probably start packing though shouldn't I?  

NINE?!?!!! 

I honestly think I'm still partially in denial that this is happening. My bank account, the room with all my stuff, and my to do list say otherwise, but my brain hasn't quite caught on yet. It feels like I still have weeks left but it's more like a week and a couple of days. yikes!

The past few weeks have been jam packed around here. You've probably noticed a few changes around the blog, right? There are more coming, but please look around and explore!! All the information you'll need on the ministry I'm working with is located up top. Everything you need to know is in one easy to find location now thanks to the incredible designer I hired! Hope you like the new look, I sure do!

Anyways...back to the past few weeks. I have spent the last month or so shopping, picking up donations, crossing off items on the to do list, speaking at churches, and trying to finalize fundraising. It has been crazy, but kind of relaxing too. You all know I love working through details, so this part of the journey has been kind of therapeutic. I just really need to start packing...anyone want to help??

 My only attempts at packing thus far...I have to say these space bags are pretty impressive!  That's a full size quilt, three sets of sheets, two pillows, and three rugs compressed to less than 2 feet tall. 

I had the honor of speaking with two churches so far, and will be speaking at Grey Stone this coming Sunday. What a blessing that has been! For those of you that know me well, you know I hate public speaking. My knees start shaking, my nervous stomach kicks in, my mouth gets dry...yeah not so fun! I've pushed through though, dry mouth and all, and have been beyond blessed both times!! I spoke at Temple Baptist Church in Fayetteville first, and the congregation donated $816 towards my ministry. Through speaking at Temple, I was also put in contact with another donor organization that will donate close to $1,000! What a HUGE blessing that was! Last Sunday, I spoke at Concord Baptist Church in Granite Falls. They as a church gave $750 and individual donations totaled over $600, bringing the total donation that day to almost $1500!! I can't even put into words what a blessing those two churches have been to me. The encouragement from the members, the love, donations...it meant the world to me!! We are also good friends with the pastors at both churches, so it was so nice getting to see old friends and have their support and encouragement as well! Thank you again to both of those churches for having me! Between the two churches, they donated enough to support almost two full months of my time in Haiti. Seriously, what a Blessing!!!!

 Speaking at Temple Baptist Church

 Got to love on this sweet little boy after service.

 

Speaking at Concord Baptist Church.

 

Other than that, life has been pretty normally. I'm trying to take in every second of this gorgeous fall weather, enjoy my favorite American treats, and get in as much time with family and friends as possible while I can.

Overall I am feeling pretty good about this move. There are days where my emotions get the best of me, but I'm finding comfort and peace through Christ. Nights are probably the hardest time for me, as the quiet lets my mind wander aimlessly. If I'm not careful, my worries and what ifs get the best of me, but I've found opening God's word and reading scripture helps me through those harder times. I don't know the specifics of what this journey ahead will hold, but I know it's going to be an amazing year! I'm trusting in God for my strength, patience, wisdom, and courage for this new chapter. He has gone before me, will be there with me, and will go after me. He will sustain me.

Thank you again for all of your support, encouraging words, and most importantly your prayers! I covet your prayers.

 

A sweet gift of encouragement from one of my dear friends.  It meant the world to me!

 

Some specific prayer requests right now:

• My peace of mind before, during, and after my time in Haiti.
• For an easy transition into this new life/culture/climate/etc.
• For safe & timely travels to Haiti.  That all of our luggage would arrive safely and on time.
• For my parents as they experience this first week in Haiti with me, and as they adjust to life with me living Haiti.  Pray for their strength, patience, emotional well-being, and guidance through this year.
• For my fundraising.  I still need to raise around $10,000 for the year.  I know God will provide!
• For the ministry I'll be working with.  Pray that God would guide us on how to minister to the women of Haiti, and the best methods in doing so.  Pray also for the fundraising of the ministry.  We have some big immediate financial needs (inverter, transportation, washing machine, etc) but don't currently have the funding to cover them.
• For calmed nerves and peace of mind as I speak at Grey Stone on Sunday.  Pray that God would give me the right words and that the congregation would be open to supporting my ministry in Haiti.  Pray for my emotional state, as it will most likely be a tear-filled testimony. 

This is really happening

This is all really happening...and happening very fast!

When I started this blog, I promised to be honest with my readers and myself.  That means you will be seeing all sides of this journey to Haiti: the good, the bad, the ugly, the beautiful, and everything in between.  This post is a little bit of it all!

I found out on Sunday that I will be moving to Haiti a little earlier than originally anticipated (more to come on that soon).  While I am excited and anxious to be down there, I have to be honest, this is scary!  I keep finding myself stopping and staring off in disbelief that I'm actually moving to Haiti.  Part of that realization has caused me to stop and enjoy the simple things in life.  Things like this beautiful fall weather, the comfort of my bed, the joy of pushing the AC down when I get hot, hopping in my car to run a quick errand or meet friends for lunch...all of those things will be coming to an end soon.  While I am cherishing each moment until then, part of me is really dreading leaving the comforts of home.  I keep finding myself on the verge of tears in those moments.  I try to keep it together, but to be honest it's hard at times.

I think more than anything, I am not looking forward to the transition period in Haiti.  I know there will be moments when I question everything, when the homesickness will seem unbareable, when adjusting to new normals isn't easy...I dread those hard times.  However I am also SO looking forward to all of the good times.  Things like knowing I am doing exactly what God has called me to do, serving the women at this ministry, getting to wrap my arms around the kids at Dorothy's again, and so much more.  Those are the times I am trying to focus on right now.

I know this journey is not going to be easy.  I know the transition may not come naturally.  I know there will be both good and bad times.  I also know that with God, all things are possible and that HE will help me through every aspect of this journey.  This is what I keep reminding myself of.  God's strength is more powerful than all of ours combined, and that is what I am relying on today.  As I work through the details of moving dates, packing, fundraising, etc, I am leaning on Christ. HIS grace is sufficient.

I cherish your continued prayers over me and this journey.

Trusting YOU God!

So many questions....so few answers.

My mind has been racing endlessly over the last couple of days.  My mind, wanting the details and answers now, has been fighting with my heart, that knows I must wait.  The questions seem to multiply every day, leading to sleepless nights and unproductive days.

I've been in prayer over all of this every step of the way, and even though I know God is going to make the path clear, I find myself completely unsure of which path to follow.

I covet your prayers as I take this journey.  Please pray for my patience, ability to discern God's will, and courage to walk where He leads.  Please pray that God would make HIS path clear and provide me with the resources, finances, and skills needed to follow through.

I've got two mission opportunities I feel led to follow right now.

One option is what I thought I'd be doing.  It sounds fun, challenging, exciting, right up my alley, and the path I want to take.  It will be hard, and I don't know that I am quite equipped for the job yet, but I know with His help I could do it and bring Glory to His name.

The other...well it is not at all the path I thought I'd be taking.  It's one I have fought every step of the way.  One I feel completely inadequate to fulfill, and one that requires more commitment than I even know if I can make.  It's one that would require more sacrifice than I imagined.  It is an option I know I could do, and would probably be good at once trained, but I just it's a lot to take on!  However, I know God would be glorified through it, and there must be a reason He keeps laying it on my heart.

I can't get either option off of my mind.  Each consumes my thoughts in more ways than one every. single. day.  I find myself at peace over one, one minute, and the next anything but.  I have no clue which path I am supposed to take.

Are they supposed to overlap somehow?

Do I do one now, and the other later?

Do I help with both in a way I haven't even thought of yet?

I simply don't know, but I am covering it all in prayer, waiting for God to reveal His plan.

I just need a HUGE dose of patience until that happens.

My Journey to Haiti: Part Three

These last couple of months have been filled with the most eye-opening and amazing moments, all of which have been orchestrated by God!

Let me give you a little bit of background that I left out of part two.  Once I hit that moment of realizing that God wanted me in Haiti and I had to give him control and join the ride, fears/worries of different kinds started creeping in my mind.  You see, I graduated college last year in May, and I knew my loans would be entering into repayment VERY soon.  Most college graduates have 6 months after their graduation date before that repayment period begins.  Around the time all of this realization took place, I was about 3-4 months away from having to make large loan payments.  I went into the loans websites to get an idea of how much I would be looking at paying each month.  I have 3 loans, through 2 different organizations, and came to the understanding that I would be paying around $350/month starting December 2012.

Yikes!! That's all I could think.

At this point, I had no job, no prospect of a job, was contemplating moving to a fifth-world Country, and honestly had no clue how those payments were going to take place.  Honestly, I panicked.  I thought there was no way I could ask people to support me each month to live in Haiti AND ask them to send enough to make those payments.  I just didn't feel right asking people to do that, nor did I think there was any way people could do that.  I reached a point where I figured my only option would be to find a job, work for a year or so, and save up enough money to make those payments before I could move to Haiti.

To say I was bummed and feeling discouraged was an understatement.  The job search had yielded absolutely NOTHING, I didn't have a peace about working in design any longer, and truthfully felt like I had run into a brick wall that I couldn't find a way around.  I kept praying and asking God to show me a solution to this problem.  I know God is bigger than any financial hurdle, and I simply had to trust that he would take care of it.  Until then,  I had to keep looking for jobs and going about life.

During this whole ordeal, our team was preparing for our upcoming (my fourth) trip to Haiti (Dec. 2012).  We were raising the funds, gathering supplies, planning our week, and getting really excited for the upcoming adventure.  I prayed constantly that the Lord would use our team in ways we hadn't even thought of.  That He would go ahead of us and prepare the hearts of those we were going to see, as well as prepare us for the journey.  I prayed that He would use this trip to make my calling clearer, and give me a better understanding of his plans for me in Haiti.  I prayed every way possible over our trip.  I knew God had big plans and I was so anxious to see how they would all unfold.

About a month before our trip, I attended the Missions Committee meeting at Grey Stone.  I spoke with Randall that night, and he really pushed me to make the move, step out in faith, and wanted to know when I was going.  I jokingly laughed and brushed it off, knowing that I was still afraid and genuinely had no idea when or even if things would ever get to that point.  It wasn't until I was on the way home that it hit me...

God had taken care of my financial hurdle.

A week prior, I received a letter in the mail letting me know my first loan payment was due.  That payment was through CFNC, on one loan, and was a $50 payment.  When I went online to make the payment, I realized I hadn't heard anything from my other loan company.  I went on their website and realized that they had my loan listed as not going into repayment until 2015.

2015!!!!

I didn't realize it at first, but on the car ride home that night I broke into tears over the realization that God had just cleared the path.  He had given me a 2 year window where I could go to Haiti and not have to worry about paying the  $300/month.  This may seem so silly to some of you, but in that moment I felt more blessed than ever before.  I've heard of this kind of thing happening to people who are faithful with their giving, but I had never experienced anything this big before. 

So let me recap:
I have no full-time job holding me back.
I no longer have to worry about a $300/month payment.
I am single and don't have a family that needs me here.

There was no longer any reason that I couldn't go to Haiti.  Nothing at all was standing in my path.  I had to go!!  I had to; and this was the absolute perfect time!!

I loaded that plane with our team on December 28, 2012 knowing deep in my heart that this was not a trip where I was just visiting.  I was no longer going simply to love on the people of Haiti and visit old friends.  For the first time, I was going to make plans for a full-time move down there!  The best part, was that we were staying with Jim & Debbie Hambrick, who took me on my first trip to Haiti.  It was so fitting that the people who helped me fall in love with Haiti would be the ones who helped me move there full-time.

If you read my blog posts (1, 2, 3, 4, 5) after we got back, then you know how incredible the trip turned out to be.  God worked in my heart in ways I hadn't even imagined.  He opened up some doors, reaffirmed once again that Haiti would be my home very soon, and created some lasting friendships.  After talking with Jim, Debbie, and Donna that night, there was no longer any question or fear in my mind.  Even though some hard questions were asked, and I knew the journey would not be easy, I finally felt 1000% at peace about everything.  My heart was fully in love with Haiti, and I finally announced to my family and everyone else that I was moving to Haiti!!!!

Through this whole process I have come to realize just how amazing God is.  He orchestrated all of this from the time I was born, and will continue to work in my life until my time on earth is finished.  I have come to appreciate my relationship with the Lord so much more than ever before over the last few years.  Even though so many thoughts, decisions, and actions deemed me unworthy of this relationship, I am so grateful to serve the Lord who forgives ALL sins and loves us anyways.  I am so thankful that He never gave up on me and has loved me unconditionally through every stage of life. 

I've learned that no hurdle is too big for God.  If it's His will, He will see that it comes to pass.  I've learned to relinquish my fears, worries, and concerns and trust that God is bigger than anything I could ever come across. I've learned that God uses our weak moments in life to shine just how big his Glory is.

If he can use me: a 22 year old girl with a messed up past, then he can use you too!  I never in a million years would have guessed this is where my life would take me, but I am so glad this is where I'm going.  I know this story is still being written, and that it's still in its early chapters, but if God has done this much already, I can't wait to see how the rest unfolds!!

Please keep me in your prayers as I take each step in Faith.  Please keep this journey, wherever it may take me, in your prayers.

I say this a lot, but we genuinely serve an AMAZING God yall!!  If you are reading this and have never given your life to Christ, or are on the fence, take it from me:  jump in with all you've got!!  You will never, EVER, regret it!!  If you have questions, or would like to know how to give your life to Christ, please ask!! I would be honored to share that with you!

So here we go!  Part four is just beginning.  I can't wait to see what God is going to do!

My Journey to Haiti: Part Two

It was the summer of my Freshman year (2009), when I took my first trip to Haiti.  Looking back, I took that trip for all the wrong reasons.   I went because my boyfriend at the time was going, I thought it would be fun, my youth pastor convinced me to go, and I enjoyed the positive reaction I got from my family when they heard about the trip.   I went to Haiti thinking I would go for a week, enjoy another mission trip, and come home to live life like normal.

Boy was I wrong!

I may not have gone for the right reasons, my heart and motives may have been completely wrong, but let me tell you:  God used that trip to change my life forever.  He knew exactly what he was doing.  There was a reason he pushed my youth pastor to stay on me about going, and there was a reason He provided the funds for the trip.  His reason wasn't to satisfy my poor motives, it was to make His name, power, love, and Glory shine through me: a life that seemed unusable at the time.  God is pretty incredible like that!  Just look at how he turned Paul's life around!

While on that first trip to Haiti, I had a real slap in the face, knock you to the ground, you've gotta shape up encounter with God.  I was humbled dramatically by the people I met, the circumstances they lived in, and everything we experienced that week.  In Port au Prince, Haiti 2009, standing in the Faith Hope Love Infant Rescue, I understood for the first time, what true unselfish Godly love was supposed to look like.  Listening to Dorothy's testimony I finally understood what undeniable faith looked like. Through that trip, and the weeks following, I realized how messed up my life was.  I realized that I had strayed so far off course from what a Christian should be, and I knew things had to change.

I took small steps at that point, trying to get my life back on track.  The process was not easy, as I was still in that unhealthy relationship and not ready to give it up.  I knew, deep in my heart, my relationship was the biggest barrier standing between me and God.  I tried to "fix" the relationship, and justify those steps, but again, God knew better.  I was so afraid to walk away, paralyzed by the fear of loneliness, that I wouldn't give it up.

So, God intervened.

He gave my boyfriend at the time, enough courage to walk away and end things.  I was so hurt.  Lost.  Dying of sadness inside.  I thought my life had ended.  Little did I know, God would use that time to shape me into the woman I am today.

He knew I needed to be stripped bare of all of my comforts so that the only place left to run was to Him, and that's exactly what I did.   I dug my face into the Bible every night that first year.  I begged, pleaded, and cried to the Lord every night to take the heartache away, and every night he'd put my heart at rest.  God taught me through that painful situation to rely on Him, and Him alone for my needs.  He reminded me of the commitment I had made to him 13 years back.  God got my life, relationships, and journey back on track.  Most importantly, however, through His compassion, forgiveness, and persistence in my life I learned to put my Faith, hope, love, and trust in Him, and Him alone.  If I didn't understand what a relationship with Christ looked like at 6 years old, I most definitely learned in that moment!  I have never doubted my relationship with Christ. I knew I was a believer and that I had been saved, but it wasn't until after that trip to Haiti that I truly, wholeheartedly, 100% gave my life to Christ.  I decided that I couldn't, and wouldn't, ever go back to that place of loneliness, hurt, and insecurity.  I understood just how much I needed Christ, and from that moment on I have tried my very best to maintain a great relationship with Him and follow His calling.


I am not perfect.  I have never been perfect.  I've made some terrible, TERRIBLE, mistakes throughout my life.  Many mistakes I wish I could take back and erase from my past, but I can't.  They shaped me into who I am today.  While I hope 16 year old Allyson, never returns, I have to thank God for using that awful time in my life to shape me into a better person.  God could have left me, but He never gave up, not once!  

Fast forward to 2011.  At this point, I had finally healed from the breakup, mended all of the broken relationships, and had gotten life pretty well back on course.  Obviously,  I wasn't perfect those two years and made mistakes, but I had finally found peace and meaning in my life.  Over the course of those two years, two BIG years in the life of a young person, I had to make a lot of decisions about who I wanted to be, where I wanted to be, and how I was going to continue this chapter of my life into adulthood.  I spent countless hours praying and asking God to guide my path.  I asked Him to show me where He'd like me to be.  I prayed that He would use me and my life for His glory, whatever that looked like (that's a big prayer yall!!).  Every time I went searching for God's guidance my mind would turn to Haiti.  My heart longed to go back so badly.  There wasn't a single day that Haiti didn't cross my mind in one way or another.  I knew I had to go back, but had no idea how or when.  I also didn't put it together at first that God was answering my prayer.  He was saying I want you in Haiti; screaming it really.  I honestly thought he would give me a response regarding interior design, and for awhile the thought of any other path in life seemed out of question.  

It wasn't until the summer of 2011, that things really came together.  A mission trip to Ethiopia had fallen through, and Cassie (my best friend) encouraged me to go back to Haiti.  She knew how much I missed it, and how much I had longed to be back.  So, I contacted Dorothy, worked out the details, and Cassie and I headed to Haiti in December of 2011.

I had no clue when I got on the plane December 27, 2011 that my life was about to take a dramatic U-turn and finally fall into place how God planned.  We stayed with and worked at Dorothy's for two weeks during that trip.   My heart fell in love all over again with the people, culture, and Country. So much so, that I knew after our trip that I had to pursue missions in Haiti.  I didn't know what that would look like, or how it would happen, but I knew this beautiful and wonderful place would become a part of my life forever.

I spent the next few months in deep prayer, and time in the Word, looking for answers.  After a few weeks at home, I knew the calling was undeniable.  I knew 100% that I was supposed to move to Haiti and work as a missionary.  I knew, that I knew, that I knew.  But I was terrified.

In March of 2012, Cassie and I were both terribly missing Haiti.  So much, that I could barely make it an hour through a day without thinking about Dorothy, the kids, or Haiti.  We jokingly mentioned going back, and then decided that we really had to go, and started planning.  My roommates, at the time, mentioned an interest in joining me for a trip to Haiti so we opened up the trip to them as well.  Meredith immediately jumped on board, Jodi was having nothing to do with it, and shortly after, Jessica decided to join us!  I was so excited to share this place I had fallen in love with, with three of my best friends.  Even more so, I was super-giddily-excited to board that plane in May.  I couldn't wait to get back, discuss doing missions down there with Dorothy, and see how God was going to use that trip.

To my surprise, I left that trip in May feeling unsure of God's calling, and really questioning if I had heard him right.  Dorothy asked some hard questions and I really had to step back and examine, in great detail, whether God was calling me to Haiti; and if so, what was He calling me to do, and where specifically?

Did I mention I was absolutely, paralyzing-ly, terrified.  I spent many days crying at the thought of moving to Haiti.  There was just no way God would be calling me:  A 21 year old, with a terribly messed up past, to be a missionary.  There was just no way.  I didn't think I could do it.  There was just no way I could move to another Country alone.  I was too scared.

Fear.

A crippling, yet completely irrational, fear, that I let consume me.  In that short time I stepped away from pursuing the move, and decided I was unfit and incapable.  I immersed myself in school work, graduation, and applying for jobs.  I told myself that I had misunderstood God, and that this is where He wanted me, not in Haiti.  

Guess what?  I was wrong --- AGAIN!

For months I applied, applied, and applied some more, for jobs.  I took interview after interview thinking for sure I'd get a position, start working, get my own place, blah, blah blah.  God had other plans though.  He knew exactly where He wanted me, and that was not here in Durham, NC.  He wanted me in Haiti!! After multiple declined positions, and conversations with close friends, I realized that God was telling me this was not my path.  He knew if I got offered a job, that I would take it and get off track again.  God knew that I'd eventually come around, and realize that once again I'd stepped off course and needed to get back on track.

And, that's what I did.

I finally surrendered (again), and said "Ok God, I give up trying to maintain control of my life.  I know this is not where you want me, so please take the reigns and steer me in the right path."  I prayed,  "I'm ready Lord.  Help me to overcome my fears so that I can do the great work you have planned.  I'll go wherever you send me."

And well, you guessed it...He sent me back to Haiti!

During the summer of 2012, The opportunity for a third trip opened up.  I jumped at the opportunity, knowing this would be the trip to change everything.  This would be the trip where I finally took steps to overcome my fears, and truly follow God's calling for me to move to Haiti.

I had no idea just how BIG this trip would be!! I had no clue that God was going to bless my life in ways I never saw coming, before I even stepped foot back onto Haitian soil.  I knew God wanted me in Haiti, but the things he has done over the last few months have blown my mind while reassuring me, and my family, that this is most definitely the path I'm supposed to take.

Stay tuned, the best part is coming!

Escaping the Limbo: I'm Moving to Haiti!

My biggest God moment of the entire week in Haiti was Tuesday night when I sat down with mom, Donna, Jim, & Debbie to discuss how I felt called to Haiti.  The conversation started with just mom, Donna, & I over a game of Rummikub.  I don't really remember how it got started, but I vividly remember how it went and how it ended (lots of tears, excitement, expressing of fears,  overcoming those fears, and lots of encouragement through it all).

Donna (Jim's sister) is a motivational speaker, and is now working with Jim Debbie at their House of Hope in Haiti.  To say that she has a way with words is an understatement.  She asked me some very difficult questions and really pushed me to get out of the limbo of not knowing.  When she and I started talking, I was in a place of maybes, what if's, and I don't knows.  I wasn't 100% sure of God's calling or if I was able to do what He was asking.  I knew God had been laying some pretty big stepping stones up to this point, but I felt like I had run into a wall.  I was questioning where I'd work in Haiti, where I'd live, what I'd be doing, how I'd raise the money, etc.

It wasn't that I didn't want to go, I just felt like the journey had come to a stand still, and I wasn't sure how to get it moving again.  I was also still in a place of exploring working as a designer here in the States, and trying to mesh the two together somehow.

Basically I was full of excuses.

Donna put it bluntly (which I most definitely needed!!) that if I were raising these questions about anything else in life, I would go get on the web or begin getting connections to answer these questions.

Duh Allyson!!

I had let my fears, and overwhelming amounts of questions paralyze me.  Instead of taking steps forward I just froze and stopped trusting that God would show me the way.  Donna pushed me to let go of the "I don't knows"  & "I don't cares" and to begin taking steps forward.  She, Jim, & Debbie all encouraged me by saying, that once I began taking steps forward to follow God's call, whatever they may be,  that the ball would begin moving again and it would all fall in place.

So, here I am now saying to you all that I am no longer pursuing a career in design, I am no longer letting the fears or questions paralyze me, and I'm taking the first step forward by announcing this:

I'm moving to Haiti to do full-time Missions!!!

I still do not know when I'll leave, where I'll be working, where I'll be living, or how much financial support I'll need to raise, but the move is going to happen!  My hope is that I'll be down there by the end of the year.  I've already started talking to some contacts Jim, Debbie, & Donna gave me about possible opportunities.  Nothing has been decided yet, as there are a lot of details that need to be figured out first.  I'm pleading with you to cover this journey in prayers.  The power of prayer is a POWERFUL tool that we all have access to.  I would be so appreciative if you could remember me each day as you pray.

One specific prayer I'd like to ask you to lift up is for Amber Hasson & the ministry she is trying to start in Haiti (Amber is one of the contacts Donna gave me).  She is trying to start a trade school for young men & women in the Ravine (see previous post).  From what I understand, she is hoping the school will provide them with access to education learning basic skills that can assist them in getting jobs.  She is also hoping to provide a daycare area for parents, so they can work without having to leave their little ones at home alone.  I haven't heard the full expanse of her dreams for this place, but what I do know is right now she is in her own place of waiting.  There is a building right by the Ravine that she is hoping to buy and fix up to run this trade school in.  She is in the process of trying to figure out if it is for sale, if so how much, and if it is something she could afford.  As I spoke to her about the possibility of teaming up with her in this journey, she seemed excited, but explained that nothing can move forward until the building is purchased.  She asked that I pray with her over this, so I am asking you all to do the same.  If it is God's will that this building become a place for his work, I know it will come to pass.  Here is the building she is hoping to buy:

Please join me in covering Amber, this building, and her mission/dreams in prayer!

I don't know yet if this is where God will have me work, but it would be an honor and a joy to partner with Amber.  Until then, I will do my part, and that is to pray and support her.


As for some other steps I am beginning to take in following God's call:  
-I'm planning to start learning Creole.  Every missionary I spoke with last week urged me to learn the language before I come full-time.  They all said it makes life much easier and your work more effective.  So here's to learning Creole!! I'm pretty excited about this step!

-Begin creating more contacts in Haiti and exploring mission opportunities for me.

-Take a trip back to Haiti alone to do this networking & exploring.

-Begin trying to save up as much money as I can, while I try to get a better understanding of how much I'll need to raise before I can go.

-Pray, pray, pray, & Pray some more.  Along with faithfully trusting God every step of the way.

-Begin taking on more mission opportunities here at home.  Jim made a very good point that if I'm not sharing God's word at home, then there's no way I'll share when I'm there.  I need to make an even bigger effort to share God's word every chance I get here.  I need to break through some of my self-doubts and insecurities and just go full force.  Practice makes perfect right?!  A couple of ways I've already agreed to are by being a small group leader for our church's upcoming youth Metamorphosis weekend, and by agreeing to be the Director at Grey Stone Kids Camp again this summer.  These are two HUGE witnessing tools, and I'm excited to go even further than I have before with them both.

-And then, along this whole journey I will be trying to discern God's specific call for me in Haiti.  I seriously cannot ask you enough to cover this in prayer! It is a HUGE step in the process, and one I find myself worrying about often.  (That's the planner in me!  Trying to let that go and trust God with the plans!).  Once details are figured out the fundraising and specific logistical plans will begin happening.


I am so so SO very excited about this next chapter of my life.  I have never felt more at peace about a decision before, and I cannot wait to see how God will use, challenge, and grow me through it all.

I'm moving to Haiti!!!!!!

God Moments: Wednesday in Haiti

Wednesday was a very emotional and moving day for me.  I knew our plan was to walk the ravine and visit Pastor Cenor's orphanage.  I did not, however, know that God was going to break my heart in more ways than one, push me to consider options I'd never thought of, or encourage me at the end of it all with a good laugh.  God is pretty incredible like that.

Wednesday morning we woke up, had a fabulous breakfast (thank you Donna & Debbie!!) and walked over to Sherrie's place. Sherrie Fausey runs a school/orphanage/feeding program/everything just down the street from Jim's place.  I worked at her place back in 2009, during my first trip to Haiti, but this was the first time in three years that I got the opportunity to spend time with her and see what all she does again.  Sherrie gave us a quick tour of the school (side note: that place is HUGE now!), and then proceeded to walk us up to the roof; her favorite spot.  From her rooftop you get a complete 360 degree view of Port au Prince.  You could see the ocean, the mountains, and everything in between.  It was stunning!

(View of the ocean from Sherrie's roof)

As the team stood around admiring the view, Ken asked Sherrie if she would tell us about how she got started in Haiti.  I knew all about what Sherrie has been doing in Haiti, but I had never heard the story of how she got started.  To fully understand how much her story meant to me, you need to know that just the night before I spent a couple of hours talking with Jim, Debbie, Donna, and Mom about my calling to Haiti.  It was an emotion filled conversation with lots of added encouragement, challenges, and direction (more to come on that soon).  As Sherrie told her story, I felt Jim looking at me, but I also felt God saying "SEE!!  IF SHE CAN DO IT, SO CAN YOU! JUST DO IT!!"  At the end of her story Sherrie said "If you feel like God is calling you to do something but it's scary, and you feel completely inadequate or unable, then He is definitely calling you, so just jump in feet forward!"  She said, "It feels like you're stepping off the side of a cliff and that you're going to fall 1,000 feet, BUT if you're following Gods call then He is walking with you, and will not let you fall."  

And then my heart started racing.  Tears were welling up in my eyes and it was another one of those moments where there is absolutely no denying that God was calling me.  I've had quite a few of those moments over the last few weeks.  They are insanely scary yet the most peace-filled moments you can imagine.  I've written quite a bit about my fears in moving to Haiti; how I feel completely inadequate and question "Are you sure God?? You really want ME?"  After this week, there is no doubt in my mind that He is sure.  He wants me there. He has orchestrated every single tiny detail up to this point to get me to where I am. It's crazy, but I've never felt more at peace about any decision than I do right now.

After Sherrie shared her testimony, she walked us down to the Ravine.  For those of you that do not know about the ravine, it is basically the slums of Haiti.  These people have next to nothing but their little concrete block, one room home, and a tin roof where their entire family lives.  Their houses are situated on the ravine; a river filled with sewage, waste, and everything else.  This water is what the people drink from, bathe in, go to the bathroom in, cook with, wash their clothes in, etc.  Until you see it first hand and experience the poverty yourself, you cannot imagine what these people must go through each day.  

 (Danny crossing the Ravine)

(Mom crossing the Ravine with Jim's help.  He was so graciously willing to step into the trash and parasite ridden water to help us across.  Thank you Jim for your Servant's heart.  You are an inspiration!)

As we walked through (and across) the ravine, I found myself in awe of the people who live there.  With my selfish American spoiled mindset, I found myself thinking these people should be angry, saddened by their conditions, broken even.  But what we found was nothing of the sorts.  Every. Single. Person we passed had a smile on their face.  They greeted us with "Bonswa" and "Alo" around every corner.  Kids ran out from behind their curtained doors to grab our hands and walk with us.  The people came out to help us navigate our way through the maze of a tent city.  They were the most loving and gracious people we encountered all week.  These people who have every reason to be mad at the world, love it in a way that I can't even comprehend.  They are grateful for what they do have.  They never forget the joy a smile can bring.  They jump at the opportunity to hold your hand and express their love to you.

In this realization I found myself feeling guilty for all of the selfish thoughts, actions, and motives I have each day.  I have NOTHING to complain about, yet we as Americans find things daily to groan over.  We are blessed in thousands of ways, yet we are still not content.  I was encouraged and challenged by these people to find contentment.  To love regardless the circumstances. To smile even when things are hard.  To love fully and unconditionally.

(Sherrie talking to a mother about her child)

And then, just when I thought my God moments were over for the day, I was wrong (no surprise there).  After we left Sherrie's Jim told us about this sweet elderly lady that lived down the street from him who was in her final days of battling cancer.  He went into her home to see how she was doing and to ask if we could come in and sing to her.  She was not having a good day, but agreed to have us anyways.  I was not prepared for what lay beyond that door. We walked into a tiny little concrete block home.  It was dark, hot, and just a tiny little fan was blowing.  And then we saw Elizabeth.  

(Elizabeth & Jim. Picture taken from Donna Tyson's blog)

Jim was sitting beside her on the bed.  She had only a sheet on and it was covered in blood from the tumors that had come through the surface of her skin and broken open.  Her right arm was swollen, and her left one was so frail.  She took all of her energy to sit up and greet us.  Mom started us off and we sang hymns to her while she used what little energy she had left to sing along with us.  As we sang How Great Thou Art, my heart was breaking. I will never be able to sing that song again without seeing Elizabeths face or thinking of her (I broke down on Sunday at Grey Stone when they started singing it).  Here was this incredible Christian woman, fighting her way through her last days on this earth.  She was pain ridden, bleeding, frail, and dying yet she still found the strength to praise God.  When we finished singing, Jim asked if someone would like to pray for her.  It was all I could do to not break into an uncontrollable sob, let alone get the words out to pray.  He prayed over her, and at the end said to her, "When you get to Heaven, your pain will end.  You will have a healthy, strong, and cancer free body.  And when we get to meet you in Heaven one day, we will be able to sing those songs together in the same language."  What an incredible picture that was.  How joyous Heaven will be.  I only spent a few short moments with Ms. Elizabeth that day, but she will forever hold a very dear place in my heart. I cannot wait to see her singing, dancing, and praising God one day in Heaven, with her healthy body!

After visiting Elizabeth we headed back to the house, ate some lunch, and then headed out to Pastor Cenor's orphanage.  I've met Pastor Cenor twice now, but had never gotten the opportunity to see his orphanage.  His place and the kids were great.  We all noticed how well behaved and polite all the kids  were.  While the kids ate lunch Pastor Cenor shared his testimony with the team.  

(Pastor Cenor and his wife)

I heard his story back in 2009, but it is an incredible testimony.  He shared about how real and evident demons are in Haiti.  Here in America, we don't face demonic possessions or see their power first hand, but we have our own demons: like technology, pornography, hatred, etc.  The Devil knows just how to get in between us and God, and here in America it clearly doesn't take much.  In Haiti however, they experience evil in a much more head on way.  Pastor Cenor shared about how VooDoo spirits took over his mother, how he escaped from that world, how he came to know Christ, and how he has led many VooDoo priests and followers to Christ over the last few years.  It's an incredible story, that I simply can't do justice to with my own words.   I was encouraged, however, to hear his story and about how big his faith is.  He will do anything the Lord tells him without question.  He's incredible.

Now, I mentioned above that God also spoke to me that day through laughter.  Before we left for the orphanage, Debbie mentioned that we should ask the kids to sing and dance for us.  We had no idea how much fun it would be.  The kids danced and sang their heart out (see link below).  The workers were cracking up with laughter and we ended the day on such a fun note.  It was a beautiful reminder to me that God see us and he knows just what we need.  He is faithful to guide us, direct our paths, push us to new beginnings, expand our comfort zones, and use us for his goodness; but he is also faithful to fill us with joy and a happiness we cannot explain.  He blesses us with those moments where we can sit back, laugh, and enjoy His creation.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=opJmtfGVnVo

We serve a Mighty God yall.  One who loves us more than we will ever understand.  This was just one day of how God worked this past week.  I'm just getting started so stay tuned.

"Tears in My Heart"

Day two in Haiti has been wonderful.  We got up early and had a delicious casserole and grits for breakfast (we're being spoiled beyond belief).  We headed out to Pastor Cenar's church around 7:30.  At first I didn't recognize his name or the church, but then Jim reminded me that Pastor Cenar is the one who used to run the rooftop church we went to in 2009.  They used to have this great rooftop on the side of a huge mountain where they could use the loud speakers and everyone on the mountainside could hear the service.  It was a really cool experience and such a great witnessing tool.  Unfortunately, that property can't be used since the earthquake, but they have a great location close by.  

Haiti churches are always fun to attend. They worship and sing for over two hours before the message is even brought.  This isn't your traditional hymns, stand around and sing quietly church.  This is a scream, shout, dance, clap, get on your knees, or whatever the Lord puts on your heart kind of church.  They worship in ways you've probably never seen in an American church.  I may not have been able to understand much of the words they sang, but I worshipped right along with them!  Randall got to preach, and it was a great message.

After the service, Pastor Cenar took us around to see the school he's just built on the church property.  While we were in there, he explained the story of three women he had previously asked Randall to pray for during the service.  These women unfortunately are in the difficult and desperate situation of prostitution.  This is not a lifestyle they want or wanted to choose, but it has come down to either selling themselves to feed their family, or having no food.  This story really challenged all of us today.  It puts into perspective how beyond spoiled we are in America.  We may not have the newest phone, car, or nicest clothes, but I'm pretty sure none of you have ever been forced to decide between starving to death or selling your body.  It's a heart-breaking story.  These women want out so bad.  They know their actions are wrong, but what choice do they have?  One woman is basically a slave to the guy paying for her.  If she were to leave him she would be forced to completely uproot her family to a different location in fear of him killing her.  I can’t even imagine being in such a desperate, heart wrenching, painful, and difficult situation.  Pastor Cenar pleaded with us to lift these ladies up in prayer.  He said I have “tears in my heart for them.” I’m pleading the same thing to you tonight.  They want out, but need God to provide a way.  Randall preached today that there is nothing you can do to make God love you more, and there is nothing you can do to make Him love you less.  He loves us all just as we are with a love so strong we can’t explain it.  He said that God loves you no matter what you’ve done.  I think the ladies really needed to hear that message today, and I’m hoping they found some hope through it.  Please keep these ladies in your prayers.  Pray for their safety, guidance, and for a safe way out.  Please also keep the guys they are with in your prayers.  They need to find the Lord just as much as these ladies.  A change in their hearts would do wonders.  It breaks my heart, and while I wish I could do more, we were all reminded today that prayer is such a powerful and wonderful tool that we all have.

The rest of our afternoon was spent pretty much relaxing here at the house.  We had a great lunch (leftovers from last night), most of the team got a nap, and we had time to recuperate and get ready for our bible study at the Phillipino UN.

Jim & Debbie over the last few months have been hosting a weekly bible study with some of the soldiers in at the Phillipino UN.  The soldiers just recently switched out, so everyone there tonight was new. It was an exciting time to see another area of ministry here in Haiti.  As these men and women get to know Jim more over the next few weeks, this ministry will grow and grow.  We also got a good laugh while at the UN because all the soldiers wanted pictures with “just the ladies.”  At one point Amanda, Cassie, and I were trying to get a picture of the three of us and all the men asked to get their picture taken individually with us.  We got a good laugh out of it; It was like we were celebrities.  So if you see 50 new pictures of us on Facebook tagged by a bunch of random guys, you’ll know where they came from!  Ha!

It’s been a really good day.  We had a great dinner, played some bananagrams, phase 10, and have been blessed with power all day! That’s such a blessing! I am BEYOND excited to see Dorothy and the kids tomorrow.  So excited, I hope I can sleep tonight!  I hope you are all having a fabulous week, but I’m sure it simply can’t compare to ours!

More to come tomorrow after I see all my babies and hug their necks!! Have I mentioned I love this place?

Goodnight!

A Call for Prayers

Our Haiti trip is fast approaching in T-minus 19 days.  

19 days!

That is SO much more exciting than you even realize for me!  There is something extra special about this trip.  I can't quite put my finger on it, but I really feel like God is going to do some incredible things, and open up doors/guide my decision making.  I think a lot of this has to do with the fact that my mom gets to go this time, I get to go as part of a team again, and I get to meet up with some old friends and hopefully get their input on possible opportunities for me down there.  Some pretty incredible things have happened over the last week or two, and while I'm not quite ready to share them yet (so please don't ask), I know that God is already at work. He is already pushing, building, and preparing me for this trip.  I don't know what His plan is, and I certainly don't know what His answer will be, but I have a feeling I will get a little taste of it in 19 days.

Please keep me and the rest of our team in your prayers as we prepare for this trip.  Pray that we would all have the courage to do whatever God calls us to do while we are there.  Please pray that our hearts will begin to be softened towards the people and their needs so that our time can be as successful as possible.  Please pray that we all, but especially that I, will keep an open mind and ear to discern God's will for me.  Pray that God will begin opening the hearts of the people we will be working with, so that His Kingdom can grow and receive all of the glory.  Please also keep our safety, travels, health, attitudes, and overall well-being in your prayers.  We will certainly be needing all of the prayers we can get.

It's going to be an awesome trip!  I cannot wait to step off of that plane back onto Haitian soil.

19 Days!!

Don't Give up

Last week was a really hard week for me.

I didn't blog much because I didn't really feel like admitting my feelings, short comings, or frustrations.  I didn't want to accept that I didn't get the job, and I knew blogging about it would mean it was definitely true.  I didn't want to talk about my feelings because I wasn't just disappointed, I was angry.

Very angry.

With myself,  employers, and the whole situation. I was angry with people not understanding, and with having to relive the ordeal every time someone asked me about the job.  And honestly...I was angry with God. I couldn't understand (and still don't completely understand) why things weren't working out.  I couldn't understand why He gave me this passion, but no job to live it out.  I was angry that I worked my butt off for the last four years to be the only person in my design class that can't find a job in design.

It was a very frustrating, devastating, and anger filled week for me.  I'm not proud of it, but I handled it the best I could.  I still don't understand why things aren't working out how I would like, but I've learned I'm learning to just go with it and find contentment where ever I am, doing what ever I'm doing.

This is hard for me. Please don't think that I've got it all together, because I definitely do NOT.

However, the other night when I hit my "I can't do this anymore/cry out in anger to God" moment, as crazy as this may sound, I felt like He spoke to me.  Not in an audible standing in front of me conversation way, just an inner peace through the words of a song:  "Don't give up." I can't explain why this song popped into my head at that moment, other than to give me a little pick me up and encouragement from his Holy Spirit.  I hadn't heard the song in days, and at first I didn't even realize I was singing it in my head while I laid in bed crying.  I've probably heard the song twenty times on the radio over the last year, but had never really taken the time to listen to the words (I do that a lot with songs). I immediately grabbed my phone and looked the song up on YouTube.

I can't fully explain that moment to you.  I remember feeling like an idiot for questioning God, but found myself crying and thanking Him for the reminder of hope. It was like He said "I see you, I know how hard this is, I know what you're thinking and feeling, and I've not forgotten you."  It was a one-of-a-kind, you have to experience it yourself moment to truly understand.

Maybe you're like me and feeling completely defeated lately.  Feeling like you're stuck, with no hope, and just revolving in an endless circle.  This song helped me, maybe it will do the same for you.

I have no idea what tomorrow will hold, let alone next week, month, or year, but I'm choosing to trust God.  He never promised our path would be easy, but he did promise to be there for us.  I saw this the other night, and it was a definitely needed moment for me.

Whatever you are struggling with tonight, God knows.  He sees you, he knows your thoughts, fears, frustrations, dreams, and concerns.  This may not be where you want to be, or feel like you should be, but God's plans are larger than anything we could dream up on our own.  Trust Him.  I know it's not easy, but it is necessary.  He will take care of you! When you feel like you can't go on anymore, Don't Give up!