Don't Give up

Sunday, December 2, 2012

Last week was a really hard week for me.

I didn't blog much because I didn't really feel like admitting my feelings, short comings, or frustrations.  I didn't want to accept that I didn't get the job, and I knew blogging about it would mean it was definitely true.  I didn't want to talk about my feelings because I wasn't just disappointed, I was angry.

Very angry.

With myself,  employers, and the whole situation. I was angry with people not understanding, and with having to relive the ordeal every time someone asked me about the job.  And honestly...I was angry with God. I couldn't understand (and still don't completely understand) why things weren't working out.  I couldn't understand why He gave me this passion, but no job to live it out.  I was angry that I worked my butt off for the last four years to be the only person in my design class that can't find a job in design.

It was a very frustrating, devastating, and anger filled week for me.  I'm not proud of it, but I handled it the best I could.  I still don't understand why things aren't working out how I would like, but I've learned I'm learning to just go with it and find contentment where ever I am, doing what ever I'm doing.

This is hard for me. Please don't think that I've got it all together, because I definitely do NOT.

However, the other night when I hit my "I can't do this anymore/cry out in anger to God" moment, as crazy as this may sound, I felt like He spoke to me.  Not in an audible standing in front of me conversation way, just an inner peace through the words of a song:  "Don't give up." I can't explain why this song popped into my head at that moment, other than to give me a little pick me up and encouragement from his Holy Spirit.  I hadn't heard the song in days, and at first I didn't even realize I was singing it in my head while I laid in bed crying.  I've probably heard the song twenty times on the radio over the last year, but had never really taken the time to listen to the words (I do that a lot with songs). I immediately grabbed my phone and looked the song up on YouTube.

I can't fully explain that moment to you.  I remember feeling like an idiot for questioning God, but found myself crying and thanking Him for the reminder of hope. It was like He said "I see you, I know how hard this is, I know what you're thinking and feeling, and I've not forgotten you."  It was a one-of-a-kind, you have to experience it yourself moment to truly understand.

Maybe you're like me and feeling completely defeated lately.  Feeling like you're stuck, with no hope, and just revolving in an endless circle.  This song helped me, maybe it will do the same for you.

I have no idea what tomorrow will hold, let alone next week, month, or year, but I'm choosing to trust God.  He never promised our path would be easy, but he did promise to be there for us.  I saw this the other night, and it was a definitely needed moment for me.

Whatever you are struggling with tonight, God knows.  He sees you, he knows your thoughts, fears, frustrations, dreams, and concerns.  This may not be where you want to be, or feel like you should be, but God's plans are larger than anything we could dream up on our own.  Trust Him.  I know it's not easy, but it is necessary.  He will take care of you! When you feel like you can't go on anymore, Don't Give up!

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