Stressed....

It has finally set in that I leave for Ethiopia in 3 days. THREE DAYS!! Can you say stressed? I think my brain has been on overdrive all day. I thought shopping this morning for my final supplies would relieve some of the stress, but it did not. I bought WAY more than I should have (because I was stressing over tiny things), which in turn made me very uneasy about how much money I'd spent. So the solution? I've spent the past 2 hours deciding which items were truly necessary and which were not (not an easy job when you're leaving the country and don't know what to expect). Needless to say, I've got 3 of the 5 bags I bought are going back to Wal-Mart tomorrow (Sorry Wal-Mart - blame it on my stress!).

I also realized, among my random thoughts today, that I did not bring home any dresses that are appropriate for Ethiopia's dress code. Here in the states my dresses are considered very modest. In Ethiopia however, everything between my neck and knees has to be covered. All of my dresses show either part of my chest or hit right above the knee. Yeah crap....I'm going to have to go get a dress tomorrow. I also don't have any dress shoes without heels - that may be a problem. So dress and shoes tomorrow? Guess so.

I would also really love to begin packing, I think that's the biggest thing stressing me out right now. However, that requires having all my laundry done (which it's not), and having all of my supplies organized and ready to pack (Ha!). Yeah I don't think that's going to happen tonight. Maybe tomorrow? Probably not.

Oh my. . .I've got so much to do. I'll share my list with you just because it will make me feel better to have it all written out. I love a good list. So here goes:

Tomorrow's To Do List:

• Laundry
• Return stuff to Wal-Mart
• Return stuff to Bed Bath and Beyond
• Put Christmas pictures onto a CD
• Clear camera memory card
• Find an appropriate dress
• Find comfortable dress shoes (do those exist?)
• Call in my prescription
• Start packing
• Team conference call at 4

I also have to find time to sleep and eat sometime between now and all of that stuff. Wish me luck!

On a more serious note:

Please pray for our team. Pray for our safety during travel and while we are there, timely travel, and that our luggage will arrive on time. Please pray that the Lord will continue to prepare us mentally, physically, and spiritually for this trip, as well as prepare the hearts of those we are going to reach. Pray that the Lord will use this trip in bigger ways than any of us could see possible. Pray that He will bless our time in Ethiopia. Pray that the Lord will give us the words we need during our trip. Please pray. We need your support in order for our trip to be a success.

Thank you to all of you who have supported me on this trip financially and through prayer. You have made this trip possible and I am so very grateful! Thank you all!

---If you would like to join our team as a prayer partner, please leave me a comment and let me know. It's great to know the support we have behind our trip. I can send you a list of things to pray about and a prayer schedule of when to do so. Thank you all SO much!

Now it's off to bed for me. I need to get some sleep before I tackle tomorrow's list! Goodnight :)

Merry Christmas!

It's Christmas Eve so let our celebrations begin!!!! Our family is off to celebrate with my mom's side of the family this afternoon and then to Grey Stone for the Christmas Eve Service tonight (my favorite service all year!!!). We'll do Christmas together here in the morning (our last Christmas morning with Erin. . .thats weird!) and then we'll head up to Grandma's to celebrate with my dad's family. Oh how I love Christmas and all it stands for! Let the celebrations begin!

MERRY CHRISTMAS FROM OUR FAMILY TO YOURS!

Wow a Whole Year!

Wow. That's what keeps going through my mind when I think about this day. A year ago today, December 20th, I got a text from my ex telling me things were over. As you know from past posts, that was a VERY difficult time for me. So many questions, worries, fears, doubts, and thoughts went through my head those first couple of months. If you would have told me I'd be sitting here today happy as can be, I would have NEVER believed you. Honestly, a year ago, I thought my life had ended. Everything I knew and was comfortable with was ripped away leaving me bare and vulnerable. Let me tell you, God sure does know what He's doing! It could not have happened at a better time or in a better way. I needed that sudden jolt of things turning upside down to wake me up from the disastrous fantasy world I had been living in. I needed to be stripped bare of my comforts in order to recognize how far I had gotten from the woman God wanted me to be and the woman I wanted to be. WOW! I am so proud of how far I've come over the last year. I'm finally becoming the woman God wants me to be, I have friends in my life again, and I've gotten so much closer with my family throug this. I'm so glad I didn't give up and trusted God throughout this situation. It's not been easy but I did it!!!!! WOW! I DID IT!!! :-D

So what have I learned through this experience you may wonder? Well...

1. Never, ever, EVER settle. I settled in SO many ways. I convinced myself that the qualities I thought were important were not so important anymore. I let myself believe that was the best I could do. I let myself believe that he was the best I deserved. I was wrong. So many people make this mistake; it's one of those you have to make in order to completely understand. But it was just that, a mistake. The qualities I dream of are there for a reason. They are to protect and guide me in my path to finding the right man. I will never make that mistake again. Life is too short to settle.
2. Never stop listening to God. As much as I hate to admit it, I ignored God multiple times. I knew He was telling me to run and run as fast as I could. I knew He was telling me that my ex was not the one and that it was not a good relationship. I knew. I just chose not to listen. I wish I would have. I know now, that if God's speaking to you, it's for a reason so LISTEN!
3. Don't expect people to change. Yeah yeah I know, people never change. In my mind however, I believed he could and that he should. Crazy I know. People don't change, they are who they are and I should not ever asked anyone to change. I know my actions and thoughts were wrong here. I won't make that mistake again.
4. Healthy relationships require open and equal communication. Communication is SOOO important and I realize that even more now. It was definitely a quality we both lacked in different ways. I've learned to be more open and willing to listen and i've also learned that I need a guy who will do the same. A relationship without communication is dead.
5. Be an individual. One of the biggest mistakes I made was distancing myself from my friends. This is probably the biggest thing I regret. I missed out and hurt so many friendships along the way and am saddened to see what all I lost. An individual life outside of a relationship is just as important if not more important than the relationship itself. I understand now that it is SO important to take time with friends, enjoy weekend getaways with the girls, and have that time to share and listen with each other. You have to have friends and keep those connections strong in order to have a healthy relationship with anyone else. I'm so happy now that I make time for those things. There is truly nothing better than enjoying time with my friends. I'm so thankful for the girls God has put in my life and I'm so grateful to call them my friends.
6. Respect. Respect is so important in a relationship. I've learned, in a relationship respect means respecting not just them but also, their time, interests, friends, family, and opinions. This had definitely been lacking.
7. Lean on God, always. During my past relationship, I stopped leaning on God. I stopped doing my devotions and I stopped praying. I got it in my mind that I had things under control and thought I understood everything. Boy was I wrong! There is nothing worse or scarier than being distant from God. You stop feeling his peace and love when you don't lean on Him. Being dependent upon God is where I find true comfort and happiness. I love being in the middle of His will for my life now.

Thank you Lord for your grace, guidance, and comfort through this journey. Thank you for showing me things I once refused to see. Thank you for watching over me and showing me what is best for my life. Thank you for this day and all you have taught me through this year. Thank you Lord, for getting me to this point. I am so happy with where you have me in life right now and I am so excited to see what's next!

And to all of you who have supported me along this journey:

Thank you so much for your love and support. Thank you for your prayers and encouraging words. It means so much more to me then you will ever know. I love you and am thankful for you all!

Bring on next year!!!!!!!

Ethiopia

I am SOOOOOOO excited to go to Ethiopia. 17 days and counting!

Random Thoughts

WARNING: This posts consists of random thoughts, rambling, and venting. You've been warned...

It's finals time and the stress is in full force. This semester has been really easy up until now. I still don't understand why teachers wait until the last minute to throw in every project possible. My English teacher assigned us an 8 page paper, 2 take home essays, and 2 other essays to write on the final- is that necessary? I think not. But on a positive note, I finished all 5 essays and my English final and am proud to say that I will never have to take another English class in my life! HALLELUJAH!!!

On another note, Christmas break is just around the corner. Where has this year gone??? Almost a year ago I was a mess over my break up and now I'm happier than I've ever been (more to come on that later). Crazy how time flies! I'm so thankful for all I've experienced this year and I can't wait for Christmas- it's my favorite holiday! Plus I get to enjoy a whole month at home. Oh how I love being home!

Also, it hit me today- I'm going to Ethiopia in a few days!!! Ethiopia! What?? I've been preparing and raising money but up till now, the reality of this trip has not set in. In 21 days I will be boarding a plane to Ethiopia with Chris, Jamison, and Trey. Have I lost my mind? This is going to be the most interesting mission trip ever. I plan on taking a pen and paper everywhere with me to write down all the ridiculous things that happen- should make for some fun blog posts! I just can't believe I'm going to Ethiopia! So much to do before our trip!

And can I please point out that half of my Junior year is over! College is going by too fast! I'm not ready to live in the real world yet. I enjoy our piece of heaven here at HPU. I mean who wouldn't love being able to walk down stairs to a movie theater and arcade, or down the hall to a sports bar and bakery, and just upstairs to a 5-star steakhouse! I mean come on, this should be real life!

3 more exams stand between me and home! Oh how I miss home!

Ok I think that's all for now.

Not me Monday (on Wednesday)

I did not go shopping instead of working on my paper yesterday. I am always studious and never procrastinate. Therefore I am not writing this post instead of working on my paper.

I did not eat in my room last night because it was too cold to walk to the Cafe. I would never be that lazy.

I did not go to Food Lion tonight with my roommate just to find out why there were 4 fire trucks, and ambulance, and 2 police cars outside. And there is no way we would pretend to have money and come up with an excuse to go inside. We'd never be that pathetic or nosey.

I did not wear jeans and a t-shirt to class today so I could sleep in an extra 10 minutes. And I was definitely not late because I slept in. I always get up early enough to make myself look presentable and still get to class on time. I'm never late.

Nope. Not me.