My Journey to Haiti: Part Three

These last couple of months have been filled with the most eye-opening and amazing moments, all of which have been orchestrated by God!

Let me give you a little bit of background that I left out of part two.  Once I hit that moment of realizing that God wanted me in Haiti and I had to give him control and join the ride, fears/worries of different kinds started creeping in my mind.  You see, I graduated college last year in May, and I knew my loans would be entering into repayment VERY soon.  Most college graduates have 6 months after their graduation date before that repayment period begins.  Around the time all of this realization took place, I was about 3-4 months away from having to make large loan payments.  I went into the loans websites to get an idea of how much I would be looking at paying each month.  I have 3 loans, through 2 different organizations, and came to the understanding that I would be paying around $350/month starting December 2012.

Yikes!! That's all I could think.

At this point, I had no job, no prospect of a job, was contemplating moving to a fifth-world Country, and honestly had no clue how those payments were going to take place.  Honestly, I panicked.  I thought there was no way I could ask people to support me each month to live in Haiti AND ask them to send enough to make those payments.  I just didn't feel right asking people to do that, nor did I think there was any way people could do that.  I reached a point where I figured my only option would be to find a job, work for a year or so, and save up enough money to make those payments before I could move to Haiti.

To say I was bummed and feeling discouraged was an understatement.  The job search had yielded absolutely NOTHING, I didn't have a peace about working in design any longer, and truthfully felt like I had run into a brick wall that I couldn't find a way around.  I kept praying and asking God to show me a solution to this problem.  I know God is bigger than any financial hurdle, and I simply had to trust that he would take care of it.  Until then,  I had to keep looking for jobs and going about life.

During this whole ordeal, our team was preparing for our upcoming (my fourth) trip to Haiti (Dec. 2012).  We were raising the funds, gathering supplies, planning our week, and getting really excited for the upcoming adventure.  I prayed constantly that the Lord would use our team in ways we hadn't even thought of.  That He would go ahead of us and prepare the hearts of those we were going to see, as well as prepare us for the journey.  I prayed that He would use this trip to make my calling clearer, and give me a better understanding of his plans for me in Haiti.  I prayed every way possible over our trip.  I knew God had big plans and I was so anxious to see how they would all unfold.

About a month before our trip, I attended the Missions Committee meeting at Grey Stone.  I spoke with Randall that night, and he really pushed me to make the move, step out in faith, and wanted to know when I was going.  I jokingly laughed and brushed it off, knowing that I was still afraid and genuinely had no idea when or even if things would ever get to that point.  It wasn't until I was on the way home that it hit me...

God had taken care of my financial hurdle.

A week prior, I received a letter in the mail letting me know my first loan payment was due.  That payment was through CFNC, on one loan, and was a $50 payment.  When I went online to make the payment, I realized I hadn't heard anything from my other loan company.  I went on their website and realized that they had my loan listed as not going into repayment until 2015.

2015!!!!

I didn't realize it at first, but on the car ride home that night I broke into tears over the realization that God had just cleared the path.  He had given me a 2 year window where I could go to Haiti and not have to worry about paying the  $300/month.  This may seem so silly to some of you, but in that moment I felt more blessed than ever before.  I've heard of this kind of thing happening to people who are faithful with their giving, but I had never experienced anything this big before. 

So let me recap:
I have no full-time job holding me back.
I no longer have to worry about a $300/month payment.
I am single and don't have a family that needs me here.

There was no longer any reason that I couldn't go to Haiti.  Nothing at all was standing in my path.  I had to go!!  I had to; and this was the absolute perfect time!!

I loaded that plane with our team on December 28, 2012 knowing deep in my heart that this was not a trip where I was just visiting.  I was no longer going simply to love on the people of Haiti and visit old friends.  For the first time, I was going to make plans for a full-time move down there!  The best part, was that we were staying with Jim & Debbie Hambrick, who took me on my first trip to Haiti.  It was so fitting that the people who helped me fall in love with Haiti would be the ones who helped me move there full-time.

If you read my blog posts (1, 2, 3, 4, 5) after we got back, then you know how incredible the trip turned out to be.  God worked in my heart in ways I hadn't even imagined.  He opened up some doors, reaffirmed once again that Haiti would be my home very soon, and created some lasting friendships.  After talking with Jim, Debbie, and Donna that night, there was no longer any question or fear in my mind.  Even though some hard questions were asked, and I knew the journey would not be easy, I finally felt 1000% at peace about everything.  My heart was fully in love with Haiti, and I finally announced to my family and everyone else that I was moving to Haiti!!!!

Through this whole process I have come to realize just how amazing God is.  He orchestrated all of this from the time I was born, and will continue to work in my life until my time on earth is finished.  I have come to appreciate my relationship with the Lord so much more than ever before over the last few years.  Even though so many thoughts, decisions, and actions deemed me unworthy of this relationship, I am so grateful to serve the Lord who forgives ALL sins and loves us anyways.  I am so thankful that He never gave up on me and has loved me unconditionally through every stage of life. 

I've learned that no hurdle is too big for God.  If it's His will, He will see that it comes to pass.  I've learned to relinquish my fears, worries, and concerns and trust that God is bigger than anything I could ever come across. I've learned that God uses our weak moments in life to shine just how big his Glory is.

If he can use me: a 22 year old girl with a messed up past, then he can use you too!  I never in a million years would have guessed this is where my life would take me, but I am so glad this is where I'm going.  I know this story is still being written, and that it's still in its early chapters, but if God has done this much already, I can't wait to see how the rest unfolds!!

Please keep me in your prayers as I take each step in Faith.  Please keep this journey, wherever it may take me, in your prayers.

I say this a lot, but we genuinely serve an AMAZING God yall!!  If you are reading this and have never given your life to Christ, or are on the fence, take it from me:  jump in with all you've got!!  You will never, EVER, regret it!!  If you have questions, or would like to know how to give your life to Christ, please ask!! I would be honored to share that with you!

So here we go!  Part four is just beginning.  I can't wait to see what God is going to do!

My Journey to Haiti: Part Two

It was the summer of my Freshman year (2009), when I took my first trip to Haiti.  Looking back, I took that trip for all the wrong reasons.   I went because my boyfriend at the time was going, I thought it would be fun, my youth pastor convinced me to go, and I enjoyed the positive reaction I got from my family when they heard about the trip.   I went to Haiti thinking I would go for a week, enjoy another mission trip, and come home to live life like normal.

Boy was I wrong!

I may not have gone for the right reasons, my heart and motives may have been completely wrong, but let me tell you:  God used that trip to change my life forever.  He knew exactly what he was doing.  There was a reason he pushed my youth pastor to stay on me about going, and there was a reason He provided the funds for the trip.  His reason wasn't to satisfy my poor motives, it was to make His name, power, love, and Glory shine through me: a life that seemed unusable at the time.  God is pretty incredible like that!  Just look at how he turned Paul's life around!

While on that first trip to Haiti, I had a real slap in the face, knock you to the ground, you've gotta shape up encounter with God.  I was humbled dramatically by the people I met, the circumstances they lived in, and everything we experienced that week.  In Port au Prince, Haiti 2009, standing in the Faith Hope Love Infant Rescue, I understood for the first time, what true unselfish Godly love was supposed to look like.  Listening to Dorothy's testimony I finally understood what undeniable faith looked like. Through that trip, and the weeks following, I realized how messed up my life was.  I realized that I had strayed so far off course from what a Christian should be, and I knew things had to change.

I took small steps at that point, trying to get my life back on track.  The process was not easy, as I was still in that unhealthy relationship and not ready to give it up.  I knew, deep in my heart, my relationship was the biggest barrier standing between me and God.  I tried to "fix" the relationship, and justify those steps, but again, God knew better.  I was so afraid to walk away, paralyzed by the fear of loneliness, that I wouldn't give it up.

So, God intervened.

He gave my boyfriend at the time, enough courage to walk away and end things.  I was so hurt.  Lost.  Dying of sadness inside.  I thought my life had ended.  Little did I know, God would use that time to shape me into the woman I am today.

He knew I needed to be stripped bare of all of my comforts so that the only place left to run was to Him, and that's exactly what I did.   I dug my face into the Bible every night that first year.  I begged, pleaded, and cried to the Lord every night to take the heartache away, and every night he'd put my heart at rest.  God taught me through that painful situation to rely on Him, and Him alone for my needs.  He reminded me of the commitment I had made to him 13 years back.  God got my life, relationships, and journey back on track.  Most importantly, however, through His compassion, forgiveness, and persistence in my life I learned to put my Faith, hope, love, and trust in Him, and Him alone.  If I didn't understand what a relationship with Christ looked like at 6 years old, I most definitely learned in that moment!  I have never doubted my relationship with Christ. I knew I was a believer and that I had been saved, but it wasn't until after that trip to Haiti that I truly, wholeheartedly, 100% gave my life to Christ.  I decided that I couldn't, and wouldn't, ever go back to that place of loneliness, hurt, and insecurity.  I understood just how much I needed Christ, and from that moment on I have tried my very best to maintain a great relationship with Him and follow His calling.


I am not perfect.  I have never been perfect.  I've made some terrible, TERRIBLE, mistakes throughout my life.  Many mistakes I wish I could take back and erase from my past, but I can't.  They shaped me into who I am today.  While I hope 16 year old Allyson, never returns, I have to thank God for using that awful time in my life to shape me into a better person.  God could have left me, but He never gave up, not once!  

Fast forward to 2011.  At this point, I had finally healed from the breakup, mended all of the broken relationships, and had gotten life pretty well back on course.  Obviously,  I wasn't perfect those two years and made mistakes, but I had finally found peace and meaning in my life.  Over the course of those two years, two BIG years in the life of a young person, I had to make a lot of decisions about who I wanted to be, where I wanted to be, and how I was going to continue this chapter of my life into adulthood.  I spent countless hours praying and asking God to guide my path.  I asked Him to show me where He'd like me to be.  I prayed that He would use me and my life for His glory, whatever that looked like (that's a big prayer yall!!).  Every time I went searching for God's guidance my mind would turn to Haiti.  My heart longed to go back so badly.  There wasn't a single day that Haiti didn't cross my mind in one way or another.  I knew I had to go back, but had no idea how or when.  I also didn't put it together at first that God was answering my prayer.  He was saying I want you in Haiti; screaming it really.  I honestly thought he would give me a response regarding interior design, and for awhile the thought of any other path in life seemed out of question.  

It wasn't until the summer of 2011, that things really came together.  A mission trip to Ethiopia had fallen through, and Cassie (my best friend) encouraged me to go back to Haiti.  She knew how much I missed it, and how much I had longed to be back.  So, I contacted Dorothy, worked out the details, and Cassie and I headed to Haiti in December of 2011.

I had no clue when I got on the plane December 27, 2011 that my life was about to take a dramatic U-turn and finally fall into place how God planned.  We stayed with and worked at Dorothy's for two weeks during that trip.   My heart fell in love all over again with the people, culture, and Country. So much so, that I knew after our trip that I had to pursue missions in Haiti.  I didn't know what that would look like, or how it would happen, but I knew this beautiful and wonderful place would become a part of my life forever.

I spent the next few months in deep prayer, and time in the Word, looking for answers.  After a few weeks at home, I knew the calling was undeniable.  I knew 100% that I was supposed to move to Haiti and work as a missionary.  I knew, that I knew, that I knew.  But I was terrified.

In March of 2012, Cassie and I were both terribly missing Haiti.  So much, that I could barely make it an hour through a day without thinking about Dorothy, the kids, or Haiti.  We jokingly mentioned going back, and then decided that we really had to go, and started planning.  My roommates, at the time, mentioned an interest in joining me for a trip to Haiti so we opened up the trip to them as well.  Meredith immediately jumped on board, Jodi was having nothing to do with it, and shortly after, Jessica decided to join us!  I was so excited to share this place I had fallen in love with, with three of my best friends.  Even more so, I was super-giddily-excited to board that plane in May.  I couldn't wait to get back, discuss doing missions down there with Dorothy, and see how God was going to use that trip.

To my surprise, I left that trip in May feeling unsure of God's calling, and really questioning if I had heard him right.  Dorothy asked some hard questions and I really had to step back and examine, in great detail, whether God was calling me to Haiti; and if so, what was He calling me to do, and where specifically?

Did I mention I was absolutely, paralyzing-ly, terrified.  I spent many days crying at the thought of moving to Haiti.  There was just no way God would be calling me:  A 21 year old, with a terribly messed up past, to be a missionary.  There was just no way.  I didn't think I could do it.  There was just no way I could move to another Country alone.  I was too scared.

Fear.

A crippling, yet completely irrational, fear, that I let consume me.  In that short time I stepped away from pursuing the move, and decided I was unfit and incapable.  I immersed myself in school work, graduation, and applying for jobs.  I told myself that I had misunderstood God, and that this is where He wanted me, not in Haiti.  

Guess what?  I was wrong --- AGAIN!

For months I applied, applied, and applied some more, for jobs.  I took interview after interview thinking for sure I'd get a position, start working, get my own place, blah, blah blah.  God had other plans though.  He knew exactly where He wanted me, and that was not here in Durham, NC.  He wanted me in Haiti!! After multiple declined positions, and conversations with close friends, I realized that God was telling me this was not my path.  He knew if I got offered a job, that I would take it and get off track again.  God knew that I'd eventually come around, and realize that once again I'd stepped off course and needed to get back on track.

And, that's what I did.

I finally surrendered (again), and said "Ok God, I give up trying to maintain control of my life.  I know this is not where you want me, so please take the reigns and steer me in the right path."  I prayed,  "I'm ready Lord.  Help me to overcome my fears so that I can do the great work you have planned.  I'll go wherever you send me."

And well, you guessed it...He sent me back to Haiti!

During the summer of 2012, The opportunity for a third trip opened up.  I jumped at the opportunity, knowing this would be the trip to change everything.  This would be the trip where I finally took steps to overcome my fears, and truly follow God's calling for me to move to Haiti.

I had no idea just how BIG this trip would be!! I had no clue that God was going to bless my life in ways I never saw coming, before I even stepped foot back onto Haitian soil.  I knew God wanted me in Haiti, but the things he has done over the last few months have blown my mind while reassuring me, and my family, that this is most definitely the path I'm supposed to take.

Stay tuned, the best part is coming!

My Journey to Haiti: Part One

I've started, stopped, re-started, and deleted this post multiple times.  I can't seem to find the right words to do justice to this story.  To give enough praise and honor to God, who has orchestrated it all.  It's such a large story that I feel too small to write.

However, it is my story.  It's the story God has taken me through and continues to write.  It is my job to follow God's call, and share all of the spectacular things He has done in my life.  The whole point of this blog was to encourage, challenge, and inspire others through my story, and I know if I don't share the most important story of my life with you I would do more harm than good.  While I am not proud of all the steps that it took to get me to this point, they were all crucial and equally important.  God uses those hard, painful, and even shameful moments in our lives to shape and mold us into the people He wants us to be.  While I don't enjoy sharing my sinful moments, I know that God can use my story to mold other people, so I must be faithful in sharing the good, bad, and all the in between moments up to this point.

So here goes...Let me give you a little background of how I came to know the Lord, because lets be honest:  I wouldn't be here today, sharing my story, if that had never happened :)

When I was six years old, a close friend of mine shared the ABC's to becoming a Christian with me.  (A- Admit that you're a sinner and acknowledge that you need Christ to forgive you,  B- Believe that Jesus is God's son and he came to Earth to pay the penalty for your sins by dying on the cross, and C- Confess that Jesus is Lord and commit your life to Him.)  My friend had just finished VBS at her church, and was so excited to share this with me.

Now, I grew up in a loving Christian family who always took me to church.  Our family was there, no questions asked, every Sunday Morning, Sunday night, and Wednesday night.  I was no stranger to the ABC's, but in that moment I finally got excited about it.  I remember jumping off the swings in our backyard, and running inside to tell my mom about my decision.  We met with our Pastor, and I got baptized shortly after. I remember how excited my family and friends were. I remember another close friend of mine getting saved around the same time, and the thought of being baptized together was so exciting for me.

Needless to say, I had a 6 year-old's mentality of what it meant to be a follower of Christ.  It's honestly hard for me to say if in that moment I truly understood how huge the commitment, I was making, really was.  I know my family and pastor would not have let me get baptized if they didn't believe I truly understood, but I genuinely don't remember what I knew at that age.

I do, however, know that from that moment on I looked at myself as a Christian.  I remember always making it a point to tell my friends about my beliefs.  I loved being "the Christian girl" in my group of friends.  It was something I took pride in.

And then, high school came.  Oh high school....the four years of my life I regret the most.

High School is when I truly lost myself.  I got in a very unhealthy relationship (which I was completely blind to at the time),  I pushed my parents, family, and friends away in every unthinkable way.  All I cared about then, was myself, and that relationship.  Anything that got in the way was simply unacceptable, and I did whatever possible to remove the hurdle.  I get knots in my stomach just thinking back at all of the horrible things I did and said, to so many people back then, that I truly loved and cared about.  If I could redo anytime in my life, it would be that time.

I am not proud of those years.  I ruined so many relationships, hurt so many people, lost track of all things good and Godly, and totally lost myself along the way.  I had fallen so off course with where I wanted my life to be, that it honestly, felt impossible to repair.

I still claimed to be a Christian during that time, and always made it a point to tell my friends.  I tried to justify my sinful actions, and make excuses to hide them.  I had gotten so far off course from what it meant to be a Christian, that it's a wonder my friends ever believed me when I said I was a Christian.

Luckily, we serve a great God.  One who NEVER gives up on his children, no matter how hard we try to push Him away, and no matter how many times we sin.

It wasn't until college that I finally stepped back and realized how far my life had gotten off course...

Stay tuned for parts 2 & 3.  This story was too big, and too long, for one post :)

How I Did It: Fabric Canvases

Now that I'm home on break, I've had a lot of extra down allowing my creativity to flow.  It's been  awhile since I've gotten to create for fun and not out of necessity.  Last night, I decided to tackle the bare walls in my room.  I painted my room gray a while back, but never got around to hanging all my pictures/art work.  The hardest spot was deciding what to put above my bed.  My headboard isn't high enough so the wall above is very bare.  I would love to have a taller headboard, but since that is not in my budget, I decided to create some artwork to go above it.

I originally bought three canvases to paint, but after painting one I didn't like how it turned out.  So last night I came up with plan B.  I got the canvases, some extra fabric, and decided to make fabric wrapped canvases. Here take a look:

 Extra Fabric.

The canvases.  The first one has my original painting idea, the yellow just didn't pop as I had hoped

 Cut the fabric of your choice to fit around your canvas.  Iron out the wrinkles.

 Center your canvas on the fabric panel.

 Typically I would use hot glue, but I couldn't find any.  Instead I used a good quick-drying fabric glue and thumb tacks.  Put a line of glue down down one side of the back of the canvas.

 Pull the fabric over the side and tack in place.  Make sure it's even on the first side. Then firmly pull the mirroring side and tack in place.  You want to make sure you pull it tight to avoid wrinkles on the front. 

 Then do the same thing to the smaller sides pulling firmly and tacking in place (or hot gluing).  Wrap the corners as you would a Christmas present for a clean edge.

 The finished product, firmly wrapped.

 Then I decided to add a creative touch to it.  Pick a pattern you like and cut it out of a contrasting fabric.

 Tack your pattern in place on the canvases and glue.  I chose to space my canvases apart, so simply cut the part of the pattern that stretches across the opening. 

 The before.

 The after.

I think it looks pretty good.  And if I get tired of the pattern it's a quick easy change.

Simple and cheap.

Canvases:  Three at $8/each=  $24

Fabric:  $5

Glue/Tacks/Scissors: Free (I already had them)

Total:  $29

Custom artwork for less than $30!

Note to self...

I got this grand idea a few days ago that I could make a passport/ticket holder for my trip to Haiti.  I had been searching online for one and the only ones I could find were Royce Leather for $22.  There was one seller on Etsy that made them, but they looked a little dinky.  After examining each of them, I thought I could surely make one myself.

On my way home today I stopped by Hancock Fabrics to pick up some supplies and off to creating I went. And well...that's where I hit the wall.  Lets just say my efforts were less than successful.  I created three different ones, the first two being completely unsuccessful.  The third, while done and possible to use, is less than beautiful.  Here take a look..

Hahah I literally laugh out loud every time I look at the finished product. The crooked lines, its flimsiness, the thread that doesn't match.  Oh it was an experience...

First to prep the work area.  I had my passport and old ticket to use for measurements, a good pair of scissors, a sewing machine, and the fabric.  And yes, I used that Christmas candelabra as a lamp.  Apparently we have no extra lamps in the house and mine are all at school.  Pathetic I know.

Here is where the issues began.  I had to rethread the machine about 101 times and recut the patterns over and over again.  Hince my box of trash and frustration.

Oh you see that crazy threading?  That's because the tension in my machine didn't catch right. Unfortunately I didn't realize it until it was too late. That means I could have either taken it out and re-stitched everything (not happening) or it will probably fall apart after a few uses.  Frustration source #2.  This is also one of the reasons I had to rethread my machine 101 times.

The finished product.  Please notice the crooked stitching, the white thread on purple fabric, and if only you could hold it to see how flimsy it is.  Haha.

Oh and to top it off, I leave the room for 10 minutes and come back to find my dog chewing on this.  That would be my only spool of black thread. Yeah that's history.

But how can you stay mad at this face?? 

Needless to say I will not be taking my creation with me to Haiti.  I had all intentions of making both Cassie and I one, but sorry Cassie, you won't be getting one unless you are dying to have this one.

Note to self:

1. Stick to making pillows.  Becoming a seamstress is not my calling.
2. If Royce Leather is the only company that carries the product you're looking for, don't be foolish and think you can make it yourself.  Clearly it requires a professional. Hince the dinky one on Etsy.
3. Buy a real one tomorrow afternoon and hope it gets here before my trip 

Hahah.  Fail.

Homemade Delights: Coca-Cola Pork

Thanks to my lovely sister, I now have a crockpot to cook with in our apartment.  Before, I was limited to only two burners and a microwave, but a whole new world of cooking options just opened up!  For our 'family dinner' this week, I decided to try my hand at my mom's Coca-Cola Pork recipe.  Apparently my dad found this recipe a while back on the Coke website (go figure he would be the one to find a recipe that calls for Coke), and it has become one of our family's favorites.  All you need is:

•  A crockpot
• Pork Roast, Boston Butt, Pork Shoulder, or Pork Tenderloin (any of them work fine, I say go for the cheapest!)
• A small bottle of coke

Simply sprinkle salt and pepper onto the pork option of your choice.  Pour Coke into the crockpot until it rises about an inch. For my small crockpot it took around 12oz.  Place the pork into the Coke. The coke will rise to almost cover the pork.  Turn the crockpot on low and let it sit for 8-10 hours.  Once it's finished cooking simply pull it apart and serve!  You can serve it how it is, or sometimes mom will pour barbecue sauce on it.  Both are great and very easy to make!

My first try was a success! Many more crockpot recipes to come soon!

My new platter I painted with Jodi Chesko!

You've got to have some great sides to go along! Clearly my roommates had already dug in before I was able to snag a picture.

Thanks for the crockpot E!



Ps. My babysitting interview is tomorrow! Fingers crossed I will get the job!

Design Inspiration: Mirror Makeover

When I moved into school this year, one of the first things I noticed was the mirror missing in my room.  HPU puts a mirror in each room for all students, but for some odd reason I was the only one in our suite this year that did not get one.  We also weren't given our big mirror for the living room.  When we contacted the HPU maintenance and furniture people, they brought us a mirror for the living room (the size of the one that should be in my room) but not one for my bedroom. They told us they couldn't give us the large size one and were only allowed to bring in one mirror.  It had something to do with not being able to hang stuff unless it was already given.  I don't know, it didn't quite make sense to me, but that is what they said. While, I'm very happy we have a mirror in our living area now, I still really wanted a mirror for my room.  I have a full length on my closet door, but I wanted one that was smaller and in an area with better lighting to use while getting ready.  So I came up with a solution.

The other day, while shopping with Megan Steele, I ran across this really cute mirror at Ross for only $15. It had an ugly wood frame, but I knew a coat of spray paint would make it quite the little charm.  I forgot to take a picture of the original mirror but here's one that is very similar to what mine used to look like.

Ugly right?  Maybe it could be pretty in a traditional space, but it didn't fit my taste.  So after purchasing the mirror, I bought a can of spray paint, grabbed a free newspaper from our Concierge desk, and headed to the back of Norton to spray paint it.

All you have to do is tape around the edges of the mirror and then lay a sheet of newspaper to cover the rest of the exposed glass. Secure the newspaper once the mirror is completely covered, and you're good to go.  I had to put about 3 coats of spray paint on to cover the old finish.  Some of the original finish still shows through in certain areas, but I kind of like the look it gave.  I may do another coat of paint one day, but it works great for now.  This was my final look:

Close up view of the detail.

 Finished product before being hung.

Its final resting place.  To the left of my desk behind my door.

While I wish the wall color in our room was darker to make the mirror pop more, I think it looks pretty good.  It turned into quite a cute mirror. All for under $20!

Mirror: $15

Spray Paint: $4

Newspaper:  Free

Total:  Under $20!

Wow a Whole Year!

Wow. That's what keeps going through my mind when I think about this day. A year ago today, December 20th, I got a text from my ex telling me things were over. As you know from past posts, that was a VERY difficult time for me. So many questions, worries, fears, doubts, and thoughts went through my head those first couple of months. If you would have told me I'd be sitting here today happy as can be, I would have NEVER believed you. Honestly, a year ago, I thought my life had ended. Everything I knew and was comfortable with was ripped away leaving me bare and vulnerable. Let me tell you, God sure does know what He's doing! It could not have happened at a better time or in a better way. I needed that sudden jolt of things turning upside down to wake me up from the disastrous fantasy world I had been living in. I needed to be stripped bare of my comforts in order to recognize how far I had gotten from the woman God wanted me to be and the woman I wanted to be. WOW! I am so proud of how far I've come over the last year. I'm finally becoming the woman God wants me to be, I have friends in my life again, and I've gotten so much closer with my family throug this. I'm so glad I didn't give up and trusted God throughout this situation. It's not been easy but I did it!!!!! WOW! I DID IT!!! :-D

So what have I learned through this experience you may wonder? Well...

1. Never, ever, EVER settle. I settled in SO many ways. I convinced myself that the qualities I thought were important were not so important anymore. I let myself believe that was the best I could do. I let myself believe that he was the best I deserved. I was wrong. So many people make this mistake; it's one of those you have to make in order to completely understand. But it was just that, a mistake. The qualities I dream of are there for a reason. They are to protect and guide me in my path to finding the right man. I will never make that mistake again. Life is too short to settle.
2. Never stop listening to God. As much as I hate to admit it, I ignored God multiple times. I knew He was telling me to run and run as fast as I could. I knew He was telling me that my ex was not the one and that it was not a good relationship. I knew. I just chose not to listen. I wish I would have. I know now, that if God's speaking to you, it's for a reason so LISTEN!
3. Don't expect people to change. Yeah yeah I know, people never change. In my mind however, I believed he could and that he should. Crazy I know. People don't change, they are who they are and I should not ever asked anyone to change. I know my actions and thoughts were wrong here. I won't make that mistake again.
4. Healthy relationships require open and equal communication. Communication is SOOO important and I realize that even more now. It was definitely a quality we both lacked in different ways. I've learned to be more open and willing to listen and i've also learned that I need a guy who will do the same. A relationship without communication is dead.
5. Be an individual. One of the biggest mistakes I made was distancing myself from my friends. This is probably the biggest thing I regret. I missed out and hurt so many friendships along the way and am saddened to see what all I lost. An individual life outside of a relationship is just as important if not more important than the relationship itself. I understand now that it is SO important to take time with friends, enjoy weekend getaways with the girls, and have that time to share and listen with each other. You have to have friends and keep those connections strong in order to have a healthy relationship with anyone else. I'm so happy now that I make time for those things. There is truly nothing better than enjoying time with my friends. I'm so thankful for the girls God has put in my life and I'm so grateful to call them my friends.
6. Respect. Respect is so important in a relationship. I've learned, in a relationship respect means respecting not just them but also, their time, interests, friends, family, and opinions. This had definitely been lacking.
7. Lean on God, always. During my past relationship, I stopped leaning on God. I stopped doing my devotions and I stopped praying. I got it in my mind that I had things under control and thought I understood everything. Boy was I wrong! There is nothing worse or scarier than being distant from God. You stop feeling his peace and love when you don't lean on Him. Being dependent upon God is where I find true comfort and happiness. I love being in the middle of His will for my life now.

Thank you Lord for your grace, guidance, and comfort through this journey. Thank you for showing me things I once refused to see. Thank you for watching over me and showing me what is best for my life. Thank you for this day and all you have taught me through this year. Thank you Lord, for getting me to this point. I am so happy with where you have me in life right now and I am so excited to see what's next!

And to all of you who have supported me along this journey:

Thank you so much for your love and support. Thank you for your prayers and encouraging words. It means so much more to me then you will ever know. I love you and am thankful for you all!

Bring on next year!!!!!!!

How I Did It: Part 4

The third and most important/successful way I got through everything was by digging into the Bible. When I was at my lowest points where hope seemed unattainable, I would dig into God's Word. Each and every time, God would reveal his love, compassion, support, and comfort to me. I also found a lot of love and support at church. The church is where I had people who loved me unconditionally, that would pray for me, and help guide me through the hard times. I also found that taking the time to worship God and thank him for getting me through each day, drew me closer to Him which made everything a little bit easier. The pain didn't go away for good, but I can honestly say that in those moments where I just sat and focused on God and my relationship with Him was where I found the most happiness. Happiness more incredible than anything I've ever experienced. God truly poured his love and mercy over me during those times. So my advice for you, during those times where the pain seems endless, is to draw close to God. Lean on Him, talk to Him, trust Him, and find your strength in Him. He promises to take care of the brokenhearted and I'm living proof of that.

Here are some of the bible verses that helped me during my hard times. I wrote these out and put them on my mirror, in my car, on my dresser, on my notebooks, above my bed, and on my desk. That way, no matter where I was, I had a constant reminder of God's unfailing love for me. I hope they will give you some encouragement too :)

"And the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast." - 1 Peter 5:10

"Those who know Your name will trust in You, for you Lord have never forsaken those who seek You." -Psalm 9:10

"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." -Psalm 34:18

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose." -Romans 8:28

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails." -1 Corinthians 13:4-8

"Evening, morning, and noon I cry out in distress, and He hears my voice." -Psalm 55:17

"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." -Isaiah 41:10

Some other verses that helped me out are: Hebrews 13:5, Psalm 147:3, James 1:19-20, Psalm 145:14, Ecclesiastes 3:1,4, Matthew 7:7, Psalm 37:8, Psalm 138:3, Psalm 94:19, Isaiah 66:12-13, James: 1:3, 2 Timothy 2:10

Trust God- He knows what's best for you and will get you through anything that comes your way!

How I Did It: Part 3

One of the best ways I got through everything, was by leaning on my support system. For me that system consisted of three of the most important women in my life. My mom, my sister, and best friend Cassie. I was able to call them anytime, for any reason, for however long I needed them, and they would listen even if all I could do was cry. I would have never made it through without them.

For Example: There was one night, where I had been laying in bed crying for hours feeling like my world had come crumbling down upon me. It was around 1am and I didn't think any of them would still be awake so I thought I'd have to face the night alone. Finally around 2am I texted my mom, thinking I wouldn't get a response but having no idea what else to do. To my surprise, she called me within 10 minutes of that text message and stayed up for over an hour listening to me cry and talk about everything going on that night. It meant the world that she was willing to do that for me, and she truly was the reason I made it through that night and was able to get some sleep.

So my advice to anyone going through a really hard time right now is to get a support system, and keep them close. There is nothing more comforting to know that you have people in your life that love and support you. They gave me advice, hope, love, encouragement, and the strength I needed to face the next day. I am so grateful for all of them.

So thank you Mom, Erin, and Cassie. Thank you for sacrificing your time all those days/nights I needed you. I couldn't have done it without you - Yall are the best! I love you all :)

"If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up." - Ecclesiastes 4:10

How I Did It: Part 2

It's been a while since my first post so just as a reminder; I'm writing this series of posts to tell how I got through, and am continuing to move forward through, my breakup. My hope is that someone, someday will find hope and encouragement through the things I write and hopefully help them find their way through their grief a little easier. I wanted a starting point to moving on and had trouble finding it, so my hope is that I can remove that step of the process for anyone out there hurting, and help them to find hope again.

So how'd I do it? Well step one for me was to cry, cry, cry, and cry some more. Now this may seem a bit obvious to you, and maybe it is. But crying helps so much. It's your body's way of releasing all the hurt and stress your feeling inside. I know for me, during the first month not a single day went by that I didn't breakdown halfway through the day or cry myself to sleep at night. There were days I wanted to give up, I'd stay in bed all day sometimes, I'd find myself pleading with God to take my pain away and begging for His comfort. I eventually got to the point that I had cried so much that I found myself unable to cry anymore.

I don't say those things to scare or discourage you, I tell you them to make you realize that it IS ok and important to cry. I remember thinking it wasn't ok for me to be upset and thinking that everyone expected me to over it. I thought at times that it wasn't ok for me to be crying at all, that I should just slap a smile on my face and get over it. That was not the case though. Don't bottle up your emotions, don't think people are looking down on you for grieving. Everyone has to grieve in their own way and in their own time. It's not a fun thing to go through and it's most definitely not easy, but it's one step of the process you just have to endure. Accepting that will make things a little bit easier. You'll eventually get to the point that you will make it through an entire day without crying and those days will turn into weeks. Push through the hard times, and don't give up. I promise it doesn't last forever.

How I Did It: Part 1

One of the inspirations and goals behind writing this blog was to not only share my story, but to hopefully help someone else get through the pain of heartbreak one day too. I remember when my ex and I first broke up, I kept wishing, asking, and begging for someone to tell me how to get through this pain. I needed someone to tell me where to start. All the advice I kept getting was time. "Time will heal all," "It just takes time." One person even told me "It takes 6 months to get over every year you were with someone, so you just have to push through it." What?? Are you kidding me?!? That would mean I'd have to deal with this for 2 1/2 years!! That quite frankly, was not optional. I knew it would take time, but I needed a way to get through that time. I was grateful that I had people who cared and wanted to help me out, but I needed a little bit more. I needed someone to give me that first stepping stone.

So now that I've worked my way through most of the pain and found a way to get through this, I figured I might as well write down what I did. Maybe it will help someone else, maybe I'll be pulling this out for my own kids one day. I don't know how God will use this, but I figure if I can give someone hope and help them out of their pain, then I should.

So, I'm going to post a series of the steps I took throughout the next few days. Most of these steps overlapped with each other, but I have to split them apart so you're not reading a 5 page paper lol. And as a disclaimer, these are the steps I took, they may not all work for you and I'm sure there will be steps you add to your own process. This is just meant to give you somewhere to start. After all, everyone was right, it does take time, and you will have to find and push your way through this. My goal is to just give you a place to start and to find hope of a happier future. I'm getting through it, you will too!

"All praise to God the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort. He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us." --- 2 Corinthians 1:3-4