Before we get started, I have to wish this sweet girl one more very happy 3rd birthday! I love you, Chloe Grace!
If you haven't read part one yet, check it out here.
As I mentioned in my last post, this last year has been challenging, but also good in many ways. As I sit down to reflect back on all that the last year brought/taught me, I keep circling back around to a few main themes which I'll share below. My goal in sharing all these details of my journey is to hopefully encourage at least one person - whether that be in their weight loss journey, spiritual walk, or just in their personal life. So, without further ado, here we go!
- I am SO much stronger and more resilient than I ever realized - physically & mentally.
- This past year I survived: 2 major surgeries, 4 hospital admissions, countless weeks of recovery, major depressive periods due to medications, a difficult break up, quarantining alone, getting laid off, countless job searches, moving back in with family, complete and utter change to my diet/relationship with food, rapidly losing 150 pounds and re-learning my body, hitting rock bottom financially, and more. There were many nights where I just threw my hands up and asked God, "Have I not already been through enough?!?!". I journaled and prayed countless real and raw prayers this year. But, at the end of the day I found peace in knowing that God is in control, that He can handle my honest prayers, and that He would make a way. And, He did! Despite how hard a lot of these times were in the moment, I overcame every obstacle life threw my way. Through it all I have developed a better understanding of myself, my body, and my personal needs. I've learned to love myself again, prioritize self-care, and advocate for myself. I've learned that my body is capable of so much more physically than I could have ever dreamed. I've learned that life doesn't actually revolve around food, despite what our cultural norms may say, and that I am not defined by what I can or cannot eat. I've gotten my life back physically, and I now get to go into this next season of life healthy and stronger than ever before. Lots of hard lessons to learn along the way, but I am so much stronger and more resilient than I ever gave myself credit for.
- God is faithful and He still speaks to His children (me!) when we seek Him!
- One thing I have not shared with many people is that I really struggled in some ways with my walk ever since I left Haiti. During my time leading up to/in the mission field, my personal walk with God was so strong. I was 100% confident of where God was calling me, how He was speaking to me, and there was never any doubt in my mind about that calling or my relationship with Him. But when I had to leave the mission field early (to no fault of my own), I felt like I had failed. Failed God and those who supported me by leaving too early and failed those I left behind in Haiti. And while yes, God eventually revealed to me that my time in Haiti was not a failure, that season of my life was mostly about teaching me to be willing to take up my cross and leave it all behind to say yes for Christ, I still struggled with it. I kept going to church and going through the same motions when I returned, but for years I have not felt like I've heard God's voice or calling as clearly since that time. During this last year, especially in the still quiet moments of being quarantined at home alone, I began fully acknowledging this struggle and decided it was time for something to change so I could find that close communion with God again. I decided to join a young adult women's life group through my church, and as fate would have it one of our first studies was about hearing God's voice. I opened up to them about my struggles, and one of the girls that I had never actually met, gently but faithfully prompted these questions to me: "How are you actively seeking God's voice? What's changed between these two periods of your life?" In that moment, I realized it wasn't that God wasn't talking to me, I had stopped truly seeking His voice. So this year, I made a few critical decisions that have reignited my spiritual walk: attend church every week (even if it's virtual), faithfully & joyfully tithe again, join a life group, and prioritize my quiet time with the Lord. I shared about how God honored my tithe this year in part one of my post, and in every single one of those moments it was like God saying, "I've got this. I see you. You're not alone." One of the most powerful moments for me was the night I shared my testimony in our Rooted class (the life group I'm now with). I had prayed all day that God would use my story to encourage someone that night. Little did I know He was going to encourage me through it. A couple of us shared our stories that evening, and then we did a prayer exercise where the group leader had sectioned off some bible verses for each of us to read in Psalms, and after we read it we would say a prayer out loud in relation to those verses. Everyone's passages were fairly general, and some even more "out there" if you will in terms of figuring out how to pray over the verses. But, when it got to me, the below verses (photo) are what I read out loud. When I finished reading them the room was completely silent and I had chills because it was like reading my personal testimony straight back to myself. I read the passages out loud again, because it was so spot on and exactly what I needed to hear that night. That moment was probably the first time since leaving Haiti that I truly, undoubtedly felt God speak straight to me again, and thinking about it still gives me chills. You see, our group leader had multiple passages marked off like that in his bible and just randomly selected these that evening. Had he passed the bible around in a different order I wouldn't have read the verses I did. It was truly a God moment. Seriously gives me chills. So, if you take nothing else away from this blog post tonight, I hope you can hear my heart and be encouraged that God still sees you. He knows what you're going through. He has a plan, and He will not leave you. He will honor your faithful giving and provide exactly what you need. And, best of all, God will speak to you and guide your life if you actively seek His voice. You won't regret it, I promise!
Psalm 18:20-24, MSG - My family is my greatest support system and I could not have done this year without them.
- I feel like this goes without saying, but my family deserves an extra shout out here, especially my momma. I truly would not have made it through this year without my family. Erin & Stephen opened their home to me to have a place to live when I couldn't afford to live on my own anymore. My nieces provided countless laughs and smiles to get me through the hard days. My extended family has sent encouragement and said countless prayers for me along the way. My parents sacrificially assisted me financially to help me cover my bases when things got too tight. And my mom, bless her, she has been my rock. My mom has sat by my side through every pre and post-op class/check up, surgery, ER visit, sleepless nights in the hospital, moments sick on the bathroom floor, and she has let me vent/process life's situations with her countless times over the last year. I've always been one that wants my mom when I don't feel well, so there's no one else I would have rather had beside me on this journey. She has been cheering me on and encouraging me every step of the way and I cannot thank her enough for that. I truly am so blessed to call this family my own. I love every single one of you. Thank you for being my biggest cheerleaders and supporting me unconditionally on this journey!
- I would do this year, and the weight loss surgery, all over again.
- There have been many nights where I would have laughed in your face if you told me I'd be writing those words right now. While I wouldn't necessarily enjoy re-living every detail of the last year again, I can honestly say that ultimately I'm glad I went through with all of it. I've gotten my life back, learned to love myself again, and grown so much this past year because of everything I've gone through. 2020 was tough, but it was a journey I needed to take to grow into the better version of myself that I am today.
So there you have it - a year in review/reflection. And since this is technically celebrating my one year weight loss surgery anniversary, I'll round this post out with some stats and pictures :)
- 150 total pounds lost!
- Highest Weight: 322 lbs (Dec 2019)
- Surgery Weight: 303 lbs (Feb 2020)
- Goal Weight: 175 lbs
- Current Weight: 172 lbs (Feb 2021)
- Excess weight percentage lost: 87%
- 79 total inches lost!
- 13 inches - waist
- 18 inches - hips
- 12 inches - thighs
- 06 inches - arms
- 09 inches - chest
- 03 inches - neck
- Down 7 pant sizes 😲!
- From a size 22/24 to 8/10!
- Down from an 2XL/3XL to Small/Medium in shirt sizes as well!
- Diet/Exercise
- I can eat about 1 - 1.5 cups of food per meal (depending on what it is)
- The only food I cannot tolerate so far is cream cheese
- My stomach is most sensitive to sugar, but sugar is also still what I crave the most so it's a balancing act
- My daily diet/nutrition goals are:
- 100+ grams of protein
- 80 oz of hydrating fluid
- 1300-1500 calories
- 130-150g of carbohydrates per day.
- I eat 3 meals a day, as well as 1-2 small snacks
- I am on a strict vitamin regimen of 600mg calcium 4x/day, bariatric multivitamin 1x/day, and 45+mg of iron 2x/day
- I will be officially cleared for full workouts again at the end of the week, so I'll start attending my favorite camp gladiator workout sessions again 2x/week next week!
🎉Cheers to 1 year! 🎉
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